Bullied

(Sorry for mistakes English isn’t my first language) since i can’t talk to someone abt it i trough i can just say it here

I’m a really quite girl with social anxiety i don’t make friends that easy. When i started high school i was scared that i wouldn’t make friends since we didn’t have a lot of girls in my class but nothing really happend that year. In the end of the year my teacher told us we could say with which classmate we wanted to be classmates with next year i was scared bc I didn’t really made friends but those 2 girl said i could say their name so they where one of my classmates next year and that made me happy bc i would knew people in that class. Fast forward second year of high school when i went to school I wasn’t nervous like last year. Those 2 girl introduced me to a girl she was one of my classmates and then pointed at a group of girls they where also my classmates i was really happy that i had lot of girl in my class not knowing that they where gonna bully/hurt me. I really didn’t know what bullying really was. I didn’t know they bullied me emotionally. i trough that they just didn’t like me. It didn’t started until mid year kind of. 1. If we had PE we always needed to make pairs and they never wanted me in their group and tell me to ask someone’s else and if i asked someone else they didn’t want me either. 2. we had this physics and chemistry project and no one wanted me so my teacher put me in one of the girl groups i was so scared to talk to them and they didn’t include me so in the end I couldn’t do anything they went to the teacher and told him I didn’t do anything for the project i told him what happend and he was a nice teacher and gived me a other assignment to do instead. 3. We had a project for biology we needed to make presentation and i was already nervous and had stress since i hate giving presentations we needed to split the class in 3 group 1 full of girls(most my bullies), group 2 full of guys and group 3 a group of 2 guys and sum girls they where okey I didn’t had a group and i don’t really remember but group 1 and group 3 started kind of arguing bc they both didn’t want me until the girl from group 1 pretty loud kind of yelled that she and her group didn’t wanted me my teacher heard it it was pretty loud but didn’t do anything abt it. I now i was overreacting since i cried but it did hurt me and i felt so embarrassed i ended up in group 3 better then group 1 but they also didn’t want me. 4. This was a biology and geo project this time my bio teacher made the groups i felt less stressful and nervous but was scared my group didn’t want me she said a guys name, a girls name and my name the guy said yeey i’m with ….(the girls name) and i was sitting behind them the guy next to him said and ….(my name) and he said with bored and annoyed tone yeah and her and i felled so unwanted i had tears in my eyes but didn’t cry bc I didn’t wanted to make a scene again. 5. Their was a project for this art kind of subject we needed to make a group of 5 but i work alone instead their was a girl from a other group she got annoyed by a group mates and asked with who i worked when i told her i worked alone she pit-tied me i hated it. 6. In the end of the year we had a sports day i faked being sick so wouldn’t go bc i’m bad at sport and was scared that they would laugh and make fun if me. Beside that they also wouldn’t talk to me in lunch break even if i stood next to them they will just ignore me, they talked behind my back. we have mentors in our class and you go to them if you have a problem i went to my personal mentor mid year i think and told her abt the girl and that i think they don’t like me she just said that they needed to open up to me and i just believed her and trough that that the problem was. Also trough the year i got sick a lot. I have stomach issues since i was born and ended up in the hospital twice. Some of those where real and sometimes i would fake being sick bc i was scared to go to school. I went to hospital bc my stomach hurted more often that year and the problem was bc of the stress i got from my bullies i needed to explain what caused the stress and broke down in front of my dokter and mom what made it worse was that that dokter had the same last name as one of the girls and i knew that her dad was a dokter i felt so awkward. Bc of them i hated my self, would cry my self to sleep and got even suicidal troughs its been 2 years since and i still have scenarios abt it in my head that never leave and what i hated most was that i let them do that to me that i was naive thinking they just needed to open up to me.

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