* Can atheists get insurance coverage for acts of God?
* If FedEx and UPS had been to merge, would they name it FedUP?
* Does fuzzy logic tickle?
* In the event that they arrested the Energizer Bunny, would they cost it with battery?
* I consider 5 out of 4 individuals have bother with fractions.
* How come you by no means hear about gruntled staff?
* I haven’t got an answer, however I like your downside.
* If a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it’s), then what, precisely,is a fog horn made out of?
* If quitters by no means win, and winners by no means give up, what idiot got here up with, “Give up whilst you’re forward”?
* Okay, who stopped the fee on my actuality test?
* I consider the one time the world beats a path to my door is after I’m within the rest room.
* Do Lipton staff take coffee breaks?
* What hair colour do they placed on the driving force’s licenses of bald males?
* What WAS the most effective factor earlier than sliced bread?
* If it is zero levels exterior right now and it is imagined to be twice as chilly tomorrow, how chilly is it going to be?
* Since Individuals throw rice at weddings, do Orientals throw hamburgers?
* Why are they referred to as residences, once they’re all caught collectively?
* Why is a carrot extra orange than an orange?
* Why do they name it the Department of Interior when they’re in control of every thing open air?
* Inform a person that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll consider you. Inform him a bench has moist paint and he has to the touch it.
* Why will we wait till a pig is lifeless to “remedy” it?
* Why does not glue keep on with the within of the bottle?
* Do Roman paramedics check with IV’s as “4’s”?
* No matter occurred to Absorbine Senior?
* If at first you do not succeed, destroy all proof that you just tried.
* A conclusion is the place the place you bought bored with considering.
* Expertise is one thing you aren’t getting till simply after you want it.
* For each motion, there’s an equal and reverse criticism.
* He who hesitates might be proper.
* By no means do card methods for the group you play poker with.
* Nobody is listening till you make a mistake.
* Success at all times happens in personal, and failure in full view.
* The colder the X-ray desk, the extra of your physique is required on it.
* The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
* To steal concepts from one particular person is plagiarism; to steal from many is analysis.
* To achieve politics, it’s usually essential to rise above (under?) your rules.
* Two wrongs are solely the start
* Work is achieved by these staff who haven’t reached their stage of incompetence.
* You by no means actually be taught to swear till you be taught to drive. (The corrolary is: You by no means be taught to hope till your children be taught to drive!)
* The issue with the gene pool is that there isn’t a lifeguard.
* Monday is an awful strategy to spend 1/seventh of your life.
* The earlier you fall behind, the extra time you will need to catch up.
* Should you go flying again via time and also you see any person else flying ahead into the longer term, it is most likely greatest to keep away from eye contact.
* When pie are squared you get Pop Tarts.
* I choose the signal that claims “No Entry” to the one that claims “No Exit”
* It’s unhealthy to stay. He who lives, dies.
* Generally I really feel like such an unimaginable nothing.
* It is humorous how entertaining you could be to some individuals simply by listening to them.
* Compact automobiles make individuals look greater.
* No pleasure is loved with out some measure of ache.
* Should you clap with one hand, will it make a sound?
* Much less is extra.
* The primary situation of immortality is demise.
* They’ll as a result of they assume they’ll.
* Think earlier than you assume.
* To be a pacesetter, watch the place others are headed then run out in entrance of them.
* Worry not that your life will finish, however moderately that it’ll by no means start.
* Strangers are solely pals we have not met.
* That which we’re, we’re…
* Positive it is a merciless world, however the place else is there to go.
* We’re the individuals our mother and father warn us about.
* Some individuals assume it is the holding on that makes us robust. Generally it is the letting go.
* Disclaimer: We now have no want to offend you except you are a twit.
* If at first you do not succeed, change the foundations.
* Anarchy – It isn’t the regulation, it is simply a good suggestion.
* The unlawful we do instantly. The unconstitutional takes a little bit longer.
* It isn’t the precept of the factor. It is the cash.
* Eat the wealthy. The poor are powerful and stringy.
* All issues thought-about, madness would be the solely affordable various.
* Simply because every thing is totally different doesn’t suggest something has modified.
* Sincerity is the important thing. As soon as you may fake that, you have received it made.
* The breakfast of champions is the opposition.
* If we don’t change our path we’re prone to find yourself the place we’re headed.
* Energy corrupts. Absolute energy is form of neat.
* Always do right. This may gratify many individuals, and astonish the remaining.
* Ye shall know the reality, and the reality shall make you frantic.
* Decadence is its personal reward.
* An trustworthy politician is one who stays purchased.
* Manage for anarchy!
* Round definition: see “round definition.”
* Assist! The paranoids are out to get me!
* Based on the most recent official figures, 43% of all statistics are completely nugatory.
* I do not see you, so do not fake you are there
* Should you combined vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip’s Screwdriver?
* Why do we are saying one thing is out of whack? What’s a whack?
* Do infants get pleasure from infancy as a lot as adults get pleasure from adultery?
* If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
* Why do ladies put on night robes to nightclubs? Should not they be sporting night time robes?
* If love is blind, why is lingerie so common?
* When somebody asks you, “A penny to your ideas,” and you set your two cents in, what occurs to the opposite penny?
* Why is the person who invests all of your cash referred to as a dealer?
* Why do croutons are available hermetic packages? It is simply stale bread to start with.
* When cheese will get it is image taken, what does it say?
* Why is an individual who performs the piano referred to as a pianist, however an individual who drives a race automotive not referred to as a racist?
* Why are a clever man and a clever man opposites?
* Why do overlook and oversee imply reverse issues?
* If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific imply to make horrible?
* Why is not 11 pronounced onety one?
* “I’m ” is reportedly the shortest sentence within the English language. May it’s that “I do ” is the longest sentence?
* If attorneys are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, does not it observe that electricians could be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, fashions deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
* Do Roman paramedics check with IV’s as “4’s”?
* Why is it that if somebody tells you that there are 1 billion stars within the universe you’ll consider them, but when they inform you a wall has moist paint you’ll have to contact it to make certain?
* Should you take an Oriental particular person and spin him round a number of instances, does he develop into disoriented?
* If individuals from Poland are referred to as “Poles,” why aren’t individuals from Holland referred to as “Holes?”