Bart Simpson Show Opening Chalkboard Quotes

“The Simpsons” it’s one of the longest running shows of all time. Over the past two decades its producers have churned out over 500 episodes, each with Bart Simpson opening chalkboard quote.

Season 1

Bart the Genius

I WILL NOT WASTE CHALK

Homer’s Odyssey

I WILL NOT SKATEBOARD IN THE HALLS

There’s No Disgrace Like Home

I WILL NOT BURP IN CLASS

Moaning Lisa

I WILL NOT INSTIGATE REVOLUTION

Call of the Simpsons

I WILL NOT DRAW NAKED LADIES IN CLASS

The Telltale Head

I DID NOT SEE ELVIS

Homer’s Night Out

I WILL NOT CALL MY TEACHER “HOT CAKES”

The Crepes of Wrath

GARLIC GUM IS NOT FUNNY

Krusty Gets Busted

THEY ARE LAUGHING AT ME, NOT WITH ME

Some Enchanted Evening

I WILL NOT YELL “FIRE” IN A CROWDED CLASSROOM

Season 2

Bart Gets an F

I WILL NOT ENCOURAGE OTHERS TO FLY

Bart Simpson writes the following during the episode:
I WILL NOT FAKE MY WAY THROUGH LIFE

Simpson and Delilah

TAR IS NOT A PLAYTHING

Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish

I WILL NOT XEROX MY BUTT

A later airing of this episode used the following quote, a reference to a spelling gaffe by the then Vice President Dan Quayle at a school:
IT’S POTATO, NOT POTATOE

Dancin’ Homer

I WILL NOT TRADE PANTS WITH OTHERS

Dead Putting Society

I AM NOT A 32 YEAR OLD WOMAN

Bart vs. Thanksgiving

I WILL NOT DO THAT THING WITH MY TONGUE

Bart the Daredevil

I WILL NOT DRIVE THE PRINCIPAL’S CAR

Itchy & Scratchy & Marge

I WILL NOT PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO BART

Bart Gets Hit By A Car

I WILL NOT SELL SCHOOL PROPERTY

One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish

I WILL NOT CUT CORNERS
Bart uses ditto marks on the subsequent lines.

The Way We Was

I WILL NOT GET VERY FAR WITH THIS ATTITUDE

Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment

I WILL NOT MAKE FLATULENT NOISES IN CLASS

Principal Charming

I WILL NOT BELCH THE NATIONAL ANTHEM

Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?

I WILL NOT SELL LAND IN FLORIDA

Bart’s Dog Gets an F

I WILL NOT SELL SCHOOL PROPERTY
Repeated from Bart Simpson Gets Hit By A Car.

Old Money

I WILL NOT GREASE THE MONKEY BARS

Brush with Greatness

I WILL NOT HIDE BEHIND THE FIFTH AMENDMENT

The War of the Simpsons

I WILL NOT DO ANYTHING BAD EVER AGAIN

Three Men and a Comic Book

I WILL NOT SHOW OFF
This gag was written in fancy gothic-style lettering.

Blood Feud

I WILL NOT SLEEP THROUGH MY EDUCATION

Season 3

Stark Raving Dad

I AM NOT A DENTIST

Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington

SPIT WADS ARE NOT FREE SPEECH

When Flanders Failed

NOBODY LIKES SUNBURN SLAPPERS

Bart the Murderer

HIGH EXPLOSIVES AND SCHOOL DON’T MIX

Bart Simpson must write the following during the episode:
I WILL NOT BRIBE PRINCIPAL SKINNER

Homer Defined

I WILL NOT SQUEAK CHALK
As you might guess, Bart squeaks the chalk while writing this.

Like Father, Like Clown

I WILL FINISH WHAT I STA
There was only one line on the board this time.

Lisa’s Pony

“BART BUCKS” ARE NOT LEGAL TENDER

Saturdays of Thunder

I WILL NOT FAKE RABIES

Flaming Moe’s

UNDERWEAR SHOULD BE WORN ON THE INSIDE

Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk

THE CHRISTMAS PAGEANT DOES NOT STINK

I Married Marge

I WILL NOT TORMENT THE EMOTIONALLY FRAIL

Radio Bart

I WILL NOT CARVE GODS

Homer Alone

I WILL NOT SPANK OTHERS

Homer at the Bat

I WILL NOT AIM FOR THE HEAD

Separate Vocations

I WILL NOT BARF UNLESS I’M SICK

Bart Simpson also wrote as punishment during the episode:
I WILL NOT EXPOSE THE IGNORANCE OF THE FACULTY

Dog of Death

I SAW NOTHING UNUSUAL IN THE TEACHER’S LOUNGE

Colonel Homer

I WILL NOT CONDUCT MY OWN FIRE DRILLS

Black Widower

FUNNY NOISES ARE NOT FUNNY

The Otto Show

I WILL NOT SPIN THE TURTLE

Bart’s Friend Falls in Love

I WILL NOT SNAP BRAS

Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?

I WILL NOT FAKE SEIZURES

Season 4

Kamp Krusty

THIS PUNISHMENT IS NOT BORING AND POINTLESS

A Streetcar Named Marge

MY NAME IS NOT DR. DEATH

Homer the Heretic

I WILL NOT DEFAME NEW ORLEANS
This gag was introduced after there was an uproar from the city of New Orleans about the defamatory song in previous episode.

Lisa the Beauty Queen

I WILL NOT PRESCRIBE MEDICATION

Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie

I WILL NOT BURY THE NEW KID

Marge writes the following during the parent/teacher meeting:
I WILL TRY TO RAISE A BETTER CHILD

Marge Gets a Job

I WILL NOT TEACH OTHERS TO FLY

New Kid on the Block

I WILL NOT BRING SHEEP TO CLASS

Mr. Plow

A BURP IS NOT AN ANSWER

Lisa’s First Word

TEACHER IS NOT A LEPER

Homer’s Triple Bypass

COFFEE IS NOT FOR KIDS
Written in a messy scrawl; each line gets more and more unreadable.

Marge vs. the Monorail

I WILL NOT EAT THINGS FOR MONEY

Selma’s Choice

I WILL NOT YELL “SHE’S DEAD” DURING ROLL CALL

Brother from the Same Planet

THE PRINCIPAL’S TOUPEE IS NOT A FRISBEE

I Love Lisa

I WILL NOT CALL THE PRINCIPAL “SPUD HEAD”

Duffless

GOLDFISH DON’T BOUNCE

Last Exit to Springfield

MUD IS NOT ONE OF THE 4 FOOD GROUPS

So It’s Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show

NO ONE IS INTERESTED IN MY UNDERPANTS

The Front

I WILL NOT SELL MIRACLE CURES

Whacking Day

I WILL RETURN THE SEEING-EYE DOG

Marge in Chains

I DO NOT HAVE DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY

Krusty Gets Kancelled

I WILL NOT CHARGE ADMISSION TO THE BATHROOM

Season 5

Homer’s Barbershop Quartet

I WILL NEVER WIN AN EMMY

Cape Feare

THE CAFETERIA DEEP FRYER IS NOT A TOY

 The Last Temptation of Homer

ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES BART A DULL BOY
A reference to The Shining. It was also written with varying indentation (see right).

$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)

I WILL NOT SAY “SPRINGFIELD” JUST TO GET APPLAUSE

Homer the Vigilante

I AM NOT AUTHORIZED TO FIRE SUBSTITUTE TEACHERS

Bart Gets Famous

MY HOMEWORK WAS NOT STOLEN BY A ONE-ARMED MAN

Homer and Apu

I WILL NOT GO NEAR THE KINDERGARTEN TURTLE

Homer Loves Flanders

I AM NOT DELIGHTFULLY SAUCY

Bart Gets an Elephant

ORGAN TRANSPLANTS ARE BEST LEFT TO THE PROFESSIONALS

Burns’ Heir

THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE DOES NOT END WITH “HAIL SATAN”

Sweet Seymour Skinner’s Baadassss Song

I WILL NOT CELEBRATE MEANINGLESS MILESTONES
This is the 100th episode.

The Boy Who Knew Too Much

THERE ARE PLENTY OF BUSINESSES LIKE SHOW BUSINESS

Lady Bouvier’s Lover

I WILL NOT RE-TRANSMIT WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL

Secrets of a Successful Marriage

FIVE DAYS IS NOT TOO LONG TO WAIT FOR A GUN

Season 6

Bart of Darkness

BEANS ARE NEITHER FRUIT NOR MUSICAL

Lisa’s Rival

NO ONE IS INTERESTED IN MY UNDERPANTS
This is a repeat of the gag from So It’s Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show, however, the layout is different.

Another Simpsons Clip Show

I WILL NOT USE ABBREV.

Itchy & Scratchy Land

I AM NOT THE REINCARNATION OF SAMMY DAVIS JR.

Bart’s Girlfriend

I WILL NOT SEND LARD THROUGH THE MAIL

Lisa on Ice

I WILL NOT DISSECT THINGS UNLESS INSTRUCTED

Homer: Bad Man

I WILL NOT WHITTLE HALL PASSES OUT OF SOAP

Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy

MY HOMEWORK WAS NOT STOLEN BY A ONE-ARMED MAN
Repeated from Bart Simpson Gets Famous.

Fear of Flying

RALPH WON’T “MORPH” IF YOU SQUEEZE HIM HARD ENOUGH

Homer the Great

ADDING “JUST KIDDING” DOESN’T MAKE IT OKAY TO INSULT THE PRINCIPAL

And Maggie Makes Three

“BAGMAN” IS NOT A LEGITIMATE CAREER CHOICE

Bart’s Comet

CURSIVE WRITING DOES NOT MEAN WHAT I THINK IT DOES

Homie the Clown

NEXT TIME IT COULD BE ME ON THE SCAFFOLDING

Bart vs. Australia

I WILL NOT HANG DONUTS ON MY PERSON

Homer vs. Patty and Selma

I WILL REMEMBER TO TAKE MY MEDICATION

Lisa’s Wedding

I WILL NOT STRUT AROUND LIKE I OWN THE PLACE

Two Dozen and One Greyhounds

THE GOOD HUMOR MAN CAN ONLY BE PUSHED SO FAR

The PTA Disbands

I DO NOT HAVE POWER OF ATTORNEY OVER FIRST GRADERS

‘Round Springfield

NERVE GAS IS NOT A TOY

The Springfield Connection

I WILL NOT MOCK MRS. DUMBFACE

Lemon of Troy

THE FIRST AMENDMENT DOES NOT COVER BURPING

Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part One)

THIS IS NOT A CLUE… OR IS IT?
This episodes contains clues about who shot Mr. Burns…

Season 7

Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part Two)

I WILL NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT THE SOLUTION WHEN I HEAR IT
…and in this episode the identity of who shot Burns is revealed.

Radioactive Man

“BEWITCHED” DOES NOT PROMOTE SATANISM

Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily

NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR FROM MY ARMPITS

Bart Sells His Soul

I AM NOT A LEAN MEAN SPITTING MACHINE

Lisa the Vegetarian

THE BOYS ROOM IS NOT A WATER PARK

King Size Homer

INDIAN BURNS ARE NOT OUR CULTURAL HERITAGE

Sideshow Bob’s Last Gleaming

WEDGIES ARE UNHEALTHY FOR CHILDREN AND OTHER LIVING THINGS

The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular

I WILL ONLY DO THIS ONCE A YEAR
This episode is a clip show.

Marge Be Not Proud

I WILL STOP TALKING ABOUT THE TWELVE INCH PIANIST

Team Homer

I AM NOT CERTIFIED TO REMOVE ASBESTOS

Season 8

You Only Move Twice

I DID NOT LEARN EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW IN KINDERGARTEN

The Homer They Fall

I AM NOT MY LONG-LOST TWIN

 Lisa’s Date with Density

Lisa writes the following during the episode:
I WILL NOT BE A SNICKERPUSS.

The Springfield Files

THE TRUTH IS NOT OUT THERE
One of the numerous references to the X-Files, upon which this episode is based.

The Twisted World of Marge Simpson

I AM NOT LICENSED TO DO ANYTHING

Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala (Annoyed Grunt) cious

I WILL NOT HIDE THE TEACHER’S PROZAC

The Canine Mutiny

A FIRE DRILL DOES NOT DEMAND A FIRE

Season 9

Lisa’s Sax

I NO LONGER WANT MY MTV

The Cartridge Family

EVERYONE IS TIRED OF THAT RICHARD GERE STORY

Bart Star

I DID NOT INVENT IRISH DANCING

Lisa the Skeptic

I WILL NOT TEASE FATTY

Realty Bites

THERE WAS NO ROMAN GOD NAMED “FARTICUS”

Miracle on Evergreen Terrace

RUDOLPH’S RED NOSE IS NOT ALCOHOL-RELATED

The Joy of Sect

SHOOTING PAINTBALLS IS NOT AN ART FORM

The Last Temptation of Krust

PAIN IS NOT THE CLEANSER

Dumbbell Indemnity

SILLY STRING IS NOT A NASAL SPRAY

This Little Wiggy

I WAS NOT TOLD TO DO THIS

Simpson Tide

MY BUTT DOES NOT DESERVE A WEBSITE

The Trouble With Trillions

I WILL NOT DEMAND WHAT I’M WORTH
A reference to the voice artists striking for more money.

Trash of the Titans

I WILL NOT MESS WITH THE OPENING CREDITS
This was actually used in the spot where the couch gag normally is; the rest of the family run into Bart’s classroom where he is writing this message.

Lost Our Lisa

I AM NOT THE NEW DALAI LAMA

Natural Born Kissers

I WAS NOT THE INSPIRATION FOR “KRAMER”
This episode first aired shortly after the last ever episode of Seinfeld.

Season 10

 The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace

I WILL NOT FILE FRIVOLOUS LAWSUITS

Treehouse of Horror IX

THE SIMPSONS HALLOWEEN SPECIAL IX
Bart paints this on the blackboard in blood.

When You Dish Upon A Star

BUTT.BUTT IS NOT MY E-MAIL ADDRESS
Originally, this gag used BUTT.COM, however, it was changed to BUTT.BUTT in later U.S. airings, due to the former being an actual website of adult orientation.

D’oh-in’ in the Wind

 NO ONE CARES WHAT MY DEFINITION OF “IS” IS

Lisa Gets an “A”

I WILL NOT SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM

Homer Simpson in: “Kidney Trouble”

I AM NOT A LICENSED HAIRSTYLIST

Mayored to the Mob

“THE PRESIDENT DID IT” IS NOT AN EXCUSE
First aired after Clinton became the first elected President to be impeached.

Viva Ned Flanders

MY MOM IS NOT DATING JERRY SEINFELD

Wild Barts Can’t Be Broken

SHERRI DOES NOT “GOT BACK”

Sunday, Cruddy Sunday

I WILL NOT DO THE DIRTY BIRD

Homer to the Max

NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT MY SCIATICA

I’m With Cupid

HILLBILLIES ARE PEOPLE TOO

Marge Simpson in: “Screaming Yellow Honkers”

GRAMMAR IS NOT A TIME OF WASTE

Make Room for Lisa

I DO NOT HAVE DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY
Recycled from Marge in Chains.

Maximum Homerdrive

IT DOES NOT SUCK TO BE YOU

Simpsons Bible Stories

I CANNOT ABSOLVE SINS

Bart also wrote a blackboard gag in hieroglyphics during the episode; it translates as:
EYE WELL KNOT D-FACE

Mom and Pop Art

A TRAINED APE COULD NOT TEACH GYM

The Old Man and The “C” Student

LOOSE TEETH DON’T NEED MY HELP

Monty Can’t Buy Me Love

I HAVE NEITHER BEEN THERE NOR DONE THAT

They Saved Lisa’s Brain

NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR FROM MY ARMPITS
Recycled from Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily.

Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo

I AM SO VERY TIRED

Season 11

Beyond Blunderdome

FRIDAYS ARE NOT “PANTS OPTIONAL”

Brother’s Little Helper

PORK IS NOT A VERB

Guess Who’s Coming to Criticize Dinner?

I AM NOT THE LAST DON

E-I-E-I-(Annoyed Grunt)

I DID NOT WIN THE NOBEL FART PRIZE

Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder

I WON’T NOT USE NO DOUBLE NEGATIVES

Eight Misbehavin’

INDIAN BURNS ARE NOT OUR CULTURAL HERITAGE
Reused from King Size Homer.

Take My Wife, Sleaze

I CAN’T SEE DEAD PEOPLE

Grift of the Magi

I WILL NOT SELL MY KIDNEY ON eBAY
This is first blackboard gag not written entirely in capitals.

During the episode, Lisa writes:
I WILL NOT DO MATH IN CLASS

Little Big Mom

I WILL NOT CREATE ART FROM DUNG

Faith Off

I WILL STOP PHONING IT IN

The Mansion Family

CLASS CLOWN IS NOT A PAID POSITION

Saddlesore Galactica

SUBSTITUTE TEACHERS ARE NOT SCABS

Alone Again, Natura-Diddly

MY SUSPENSION WAS NOT “MUTUAL”

Missionary: Impossible

A BELCH IS NOT AN ORAL REPORT

Pygmoelian

DODGE BALL STOPS AT THE GYM DOOR

Bart to the Future

“NON-FLAMMABLE” IS NOT A CHALLENGE

Days of Wine and D’oh’ses

I WAS NOT TOUCHED “THERE” BY AN ANGEL

Kill the Alligator and Run

I AM NOT HERE ON A FARTBALL SCHOLARSHIP

Last Tap Dance in Springfield

I WILL NOT DANCE ON ANYONE’S GRAVE

It’s A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge

I CANNOT HIRE A SUBSTITUTE STUDENT

Behind the Laughter

I WILL NOT OBEY THE VOICES IN MY HEAD

Season 12

A Tale of Two Springfields

 I WILL NOT PLANT SUBLIMINAL MESSAGORES
This episode was first shown during the 2004 U.S. election (when Al Gore was running for President), and is a reference to subliminal messaging claims during said election.

Insane Clown Poppy

I WILL NOT SURPRISE THE INCONTINENT

Lisa the Tree Hugger

I AM NOT THE ACTING PRESIDENT
Refers to the U.S. election debacle of 2004.

Homer vs. Dignity

I WAS NOT THE SIXTH BEATLE

The Computer Wore Menace Shoes

I WILL ONLY PROVIDE A URINE SAMPLE WHEN ASKED

The Great Money Caper

THE NURSE IS NOT DEALING

Skinner’s Sense of Snow

SCIENCE CLASS SHOULD NOT END IN TRAGEDY

During the episode, Bart Simpson forces Skinner to write:
I AIN’T NOT A DORKUS

HOMR

NETWORK TV IS NOT DEAD

Pokey Mom

I WILL NOT “LET THE DOGS OUT”

Worst Episode Ever

I WILL NOT HIDE THE TEACHER’S MEDICATION
This is very similar to the chalkboard gag in Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala 

Tennis the Menace

I WILL NOT PUBLISH THE PRINCIPAL’S CREDIT REPORT

Day of the Jackanapes

THE HAMSTER DID NOT HAVE “A FULL LIFE”

New Kids on the Blecch

I WILL NOT BUY A PRESIDENTIAL PARDON
Yet another reference to ex-President Clinton.

Hungry, Hungry Homer

“TEMPTATION ISLAND” WAS NOT A SLEAZY PIECE OF CRAP

Bye Bye Nerdie

I WILL NOT SCARE THE VICE PRESIDENT

Simpson Safari

I WILL NOT FLUSH EVIDENCE

Trilogy of Error

FIRE IS NOT THE CLEANSER

I’m Goin’ to Praiseland

GENETICS IS NOT AN EXCUSE

Children of a Lesser Clod

TODAY IS NOT MOTHRA’S DAY
Originally broadcast on Mother’s Day.

Simpsons Tall Tales

I SHOULD NOT BE TWENTY-ONE BY NOW
A reference to the fact that characters don’t age on the show.

Season 13

The Parent Rap

NOBODY READS THESE ANYMORE

Homer the Moe

A BURP IN A JAR IS NOT A SCIENCE PROJECT

Hunka Hunka Burns in Love

FUN DOES NOT HAVE A SIZE

The Blunder Years

I AM NOT CHARLIE BROWN ON ACID

She of Little Faith

I DO NOT HAVE A CEREAL NAMED AFTER ME

Half Decent Proposal

I WILL NOT BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS ME BUTTERFINGERS
A reference to a joke in Sweets and Sour Marge about Butterfingers.

The Bart Wants What it Wants

THE GIVING TREE IS NOT A CHUMP

The Lastest Gun in the West

MAKING MILHOUSE CRY IS NOT A SCIENCE PROJECT

Tales from the Public Domain

VAMPIRE IS NOT A CAREER CHOICE
Very similar to the quote from And Maggie Makes Three.

The Sweetest Apu

I WILL NEVER LIE ABOUT BEING CANCELLED AGAIN
This came shortly after Matt Groening’s comment about the show, “we’re closer to winding it up”, was apparently misinterpreted.

Season 14

Bart Vs. Lisa Vs. The Third Grade

FISH DO NOT LIKE COFFEE

Helter Shelter

MILHOUSE DID NOT TEST COOTIE POSITIVE

Strong Arms Of The Ma

 THIS SCHOOL DOES NOT NEED A “REGIME CHANGE”
A reference to the war in Iraq.

Pray Anything

SPONGEBOB IS NOT A CONTRACEPTIVE

Barting Over

I WILL NOT
Bart then chops up the blackboard with an axe.

Old Yeller-Belly

MY PEN IS NOT A BOOGIE LAUNCHER

The Bart of War

SANDWICHES SHOULD NOT CONTAIN SAND

Season 15

Today, I Am a Clown

OVER FORTY AND SINGLE IS NOT FUNNY

The Ziff Who Came to Dinner

I WILL NOT SPECULATE ON HOW HOT TEACHER USED TO BE

Season 16

She Used to Be My Girl

POKING A DEAD RACCOON IS NOT RESEARCH

On a Clear Day I Can’t See My Sister

BEER IN A MILK CARTON IS NOT MILK

Home Away From Homer

A BOOGER IS NOT A BOOKMARK

Season 17

Bonfire of the Manatees

DOES ANY KID STILL DO THIS ANYMORE?

Homer’s Paternity Coot

 I AM NOT SMARTER THAN THE PRESIDENT

We’re On The Road To D’ohwhere

TEACHER WAS NOT DUMPED — IT WAS MUTUAL

Homer Simpson, This Is Your Wife

I WILL NOT LAMINATE DOG DOO

The first airing of this episode had a completely live-action opening sequence, in which the blackboard gag is the following, reused from Marge vs. the Monorail:
I WILL NOT EAT THINGS FOR MONEY

Million Dollar Abie

I WILL NOT FLIP THE CLASSROOM UPSIDE DOWN
Everything in the classroom is upside down, including Bart Simpson.

Regarding Margie

I WILL NOT LEAK THE PLOT OF THE MOVIE
This episode aired soon after a teaser trailer for The Simpsons Movie was released in theatres, and is a reference to the numerous fake plots that were circulating round the internet at the time.

The Monkey Suit

JE NE PARLE FRAÇIAS
This is French for “I do not speak French”

Marge and Homer Turn a Couple Play

HAVE A GREAT SUMMER, EVERYONE
This episode is the Season 17 finale. This quote is the first that doesn’t make sense in the context of Bart’s punishment.

Season 18

Please Homer Don’t Hammer ‘Em

Bart Simpson forces Skinner to write the following during the episode:
A BABY BEAT ME UP

G.I. (Annoyed Grunt)

WE ARE NOT ALL NAKED UNDER OUR CLOTHES

Kill Gil, Volumes 1 & 2

FRANKINCENSE IS NOT A MONSTER

Little Big Girl

Bart Simpson wrote the following during the episode, as part of an opening sequence parody with Bart Simpson driving a car instead of skateboarding.
SO LONG SUCKERS

Homerazzi

GLOBAL WARMING DID NOT EAT MY HOMEWORK

Crook and Ladder

I WILL NOT LOOK UP WHAT TEACHER MAKES

Stop Or My Dog Will Shoot

PEARLS ARE NOT OYSTER BARF

Season 19

He Loves to Fly and He D’ohs

I WILL NOT WAIT 20 YEARS TO MAKE ANOTHER MOVIE
This was the first episode to air following The Simpsons Movie in July 2007. The entire opening sequence was reanimated to show the destruction left by the movie.

The Homer of Seville

THE WALL STREET JOURNAL IS BETTER THAN EVER

I Don’t Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

I AM NOT AN FDIC-INSURED BANK

Little Orphan Millie

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS AN iPODDY

Husbands and Knives

THE PILGRIMS WERE NOT ILLEGAL ALIENS

Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind

THE CAPITAL OF MONTANA IS NOT “HANNAH”

E Pluribus Wiggum

TEACHER DID NOT PAY TOO MUCH FOR HER CONDO

The Debarted

THE ART TEACHER IS FAT, NOT PREGNANT

Apocalypse Cow

A PERSON’S A PERSON NO MATTER HOW RALPH

Mona Leaves-A

THIS PUNISHMENT IS NOT MEDIEVAL
This was written in fancy Gothic lettering (see right)

Season 20

Lost Verizon

TEACHER’S DIET IS WORKING

Double Double Boy in Trouble

THERE’S NO SUCH MONTH AS “ROCKTOBER”

Dangerous Curves

I DID NOT SEE TEACHER SIPHONING GAS

Mypods and Broomsticks

PROSPERITY IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER

The Burns and the Bees

JESUS IS NOT MAD HIS BIRTHDAY IS ON CHRISTMAS

Lisa the Drama Queen

I WILL NOT USE PERMANENT INK ON THE CHALKBOARD

Take My Life, Please

HDTV IS WORTH EVERY CENT
This was the first episode to be broadcast in high definition – with newly-animated opening. A picture of Homer as an astronaut hangs on the wall in the classroom.

How the Test Was Won

“MARCH MADNESS” IS NOT AN EXCUSE FOR MISSING SCHOOL

No Loan Again, Naturally

I WILL NOT HAVE FUN WITH EDUCATIONAL TOYS

In the Name of the Grandfather

FOUR-LEAF CLOVERS ARE NOT MUTANT FREAKS

Wedding for Disaster

MY PIGGY BANK IS NOT ENTITLED TO TARP FUNDS

The Good, the Sad and the Drugly

I WILL NOT MOCK TEACHER’S OUTDATED CELL PHONE

Father Knows Worst

I WILL NOT PUT HOT SAUCE IN THE CPR DUMMY

Coming to Homerica

IT’S “FACEBOOK,” NOT “ASSBOOK”