Assortment of Clever Fortunes and Quotes

Digital circuits are made out of analog elements.

Fake to spank me – I am a pseudo-masochist!

Is a pc language with goto’s completely Wirth-less?

He who hesitates is final.

Nietzsche is pietzsche, Goethe is homicide.

A person’s home is his trouble.

Chaste makes waste.

An engineer is somebody who does listing processing in Fortran.

A rooster is an egg’s means of manufacturing extra eggs.

Any IC protected by a quick performing fuse will defend the fuse by blowing first.

Neutrinos have unhealthy breath.

Programmers get overlaid.

In case of harm notify your superior instantly – He’ll kiss it and make it higher!

GIVE: Assist the helpless victims of laptop error.

Charlie was a chemist, however Charlie is not any extra. What Charlie thought was H2O was H2SO4.

Actuality is for individuals who cannot face science fiction.

Breeding rabbits is a hare elevating expertise.

Individuals with slim minds often have broad tongues.

Friction is a drag.

Wernher von Braun settled for a V-2 when he coulda had a V-8.

Your program is sick! Shoot it and put it out of its reminiscence.

Biology grows on you.

Blame Saint Andreas – its all his fault.

If practice makes perfect, and no one’s good, why observe?

A mouse is an elephant constructed by the Japanese.

Santa’s elves are only a bunch of subordinate Clauses.

A person’s finest buddy is his dogma.

A penny saved is ridiculous.

Well being is merely the slowest potential fee at which one can die.

I disagree with what you say, however will defend to the loss of life your proper to inform such LIES!

No downside is so formidable which you could’t simply stroll away from it.

Chemistry professors by no means die, they only scent that means!

The issue with the gene pool is that there isn’t any lifeguard.

Schizophrenia beats being alone.

To err is human, to forgive is in opposition to firm coverage.

You probably have nothing to do, do not do it right here.

Does the title Pavlov ring a bell?

He who laughs final did not get the joke.

Outdated musicians by no means die, they only decompose.

By no means play leapfrog with a unicorn!

Atheism is a non-prophet group.

An elephant is a mouse constructed to Mil-spec.

If it really works, Do not repair it.

Insomnia is not something to lose sleep over.

Gravity brings me down.

While you’re as much as your hips in alligators, You neglect the unique challenge was to empty the swamp.

Everyone seems to be entitled to my opinion.

Assist stamp out and abolish redundancy!

Whereas cash can’t buy happiness, it definitely allows you to select your individual type of distress.

It’s arduous to fly with the eagles
While you work with the turkeys.

Extra folks have died in Teddy Kennedy’s automobile than in nuclear energy crops.

Academics have class.

Discovered on a door within the MSU music constructing: This door is baroquen, please wiggle Handel. (If I wiggle Handel, will it wiggle Bach?)

You ain’t studying nothing whenever you’re speaking.

Chemistry professors by no means die, they only fail to react.

Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

Depart in items…. i.e., Break up.

Subsequent time, give “the present that retains on giving”: a feminine kitten.

Mobius strippers by no means present you their again facet.

The place there is a will, there’s an inheritance tax.

Klein bottle for hire – inquire inside.

Pc programmers by no means die, they only get misplaced within the processing.

Neutrinos are into physicists.

On the wall of the ladies’s restroom on the Enterprise: “The place no man has gone earlier than”

Celibacy is NOT hereditary.

Our houseplants have a very good sense of humous.

On a transparent disk you possibly can search endlessly.

Programming Division: Errors made when you wait.

Microbiology Lab: Staph Solely!

Entropy is not what it was.

Neuroses are purple,
Melancholia’s blue.
I am schizophrenic,
What are you?

Hold your mouth shut and other people will suppose you silly; Open it and also you take away all doubt.

Everybody hates me as a result of I am paranoid.

Individualists unite!

Cash is the root of all wealth.

Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to artwork.

The moon could also be smaller than Earth, however it’s additional away.

Keep in mind, the truth that you are paranoid does not imply they’re NOT out to get you!

Males have many faults,
Ladies solely two:
All the things they are saying,
And every part they do!

Teamwork is significant! (It provides you somebody accountable.)

Keep America Beautiful…. to migrate.

If every part is coming your means, you are within the incorrect lane!

The knowledgeable is an individual who avoids the small errors as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy.

Documentation is the castor oil of programming … Managers realize it should be good as a result of the programmers hate it a lot.

The human thoughts ordinarily operates at solely ten % of its capability – the remaining is overhead for the operating system.

The bearing of a kid takes 9 months, regardless of what number of ladies are assigned to the challenge.

The technology of random numbers is simply too essential to be left to likelihood.

If debugging is the method of eradicating bugs, then programming should be the method of placing them in.

Computer systems Unite! You don’t have anything to lose however your operators.

Rubber bands have snappy endings!

Outdated frogs by no means die, However they do croak!

Pc applications are an train in Synthetic Inelegance.

Each time I drop a few pounds, It finds me once more!

An idle thoughts is price two within the bush.

It is arduous to be humble whenever you’re good.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

An atheist is a person with no invisible technique of assist.

Whom computer systems would destroy, they need to first drive insane.

A zygote is a gamete’s means of manufacturing extra gametes.

Anybody who can’t deal with arithmetic isn’t totally human.

Taxes are not levied for the good thing about the taxed.

Clones are folks two.

Microwaves frizz your inheritor.

Laetrile is the pits.

When taxes are due, People are likely to really feel fairly bled-white and blue.

To make tax kinds true they need to learn “Earnings Owed Us” and Incommode You”.

No matter you say about pornography, intercourse is right here to stray.

For a holy stint, a moth of the fabric gave up his woolens for lint.

Heard on Noahs’ ark: Crusing is enjoyable, however scrubbing the decks is aardvark.

All of us like reward, however a hike in our pay is the most effective sort of methods.

Why achieve this many meals come packaged in plastic? It is fairly uncanny.

Massachusetts has the most effective politicians cash should buy!

Going the velocity of sunshine is unhealthy on your age.

White dwarf seeks purple big for binary relationship.

Polymer physicists are into chains.

Vitamin C deficiency is apauling.

Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.

On all lasergrams: Do not forget the Zap code.

Time is simply nature’s means of preserving every part from occurring without delay.

There isn’t any future in time journey.

Cloning is the sincerest type of flattery.

Jealousy is all of the enjoyable you suppose they’ve.

Confucious say too rattling a lot!

Actuality doesn’t exist – but.

Sentient plasmoids are a gasoline.

Xerox by no means comes up with something authentic.

By no means hit a person with glasses; hit him along with your fist.

By no means go away something to likelihood;
be sure that all of your crimes are premeditated.

If rabbits toes are so fortunate, what occurred to the rabbit?

Small applications are for small minds.

Fortran programmers are down within the dumps.

Two can dwell as cheaply as one, for half as lengthy.

Issues price having are price dishonest for.

Psychiatrists keep in your thoughts.

In case your toes scent and your nostril runs – you are constructed the wrong way up.

Mrs. Ghandi is in a sari state.

Half-time musicians are semiconductors.

It’s unimaginable to make something foolproof as a result of fools are so ingenious.

A conclusion is just the place the place you bought uninterested in pondering.

Wherein degree of metalanguage are you now talking?

The issue with any unwritten legislation is that you do not know the place to go to erase it.

Counting in octal is rather like counting in decimal, should you do not use your thumbs.

Counting in binary is rather like counting in decimal, in case you are all thumbs.

We do not actually perceive it, so we’ll give it to the programmers.

Confession is sweet for the soul, however unhealthy on your profession.

The idea appears to be clear by now. It has been outlined a number of occasions by instance of what it’s not.

APL is a write solely language: You may write applications in it; however attempt to learn them!

Do not sweat it – it is solely ones and zeros.

If that is timesharing, give me my share proper now.

Knowledge is understanding what to do with what you realize.

By no means postpone ’til tomorrow what you possibly can keep away from altogether.

A buddy in want is a pest certainly.

Genius is ten % inspiration and fifty % capital features.

Two is corporate, three is an orgy.

Do unto others earlier than they undo you.

Love thy neighbor, however be sure that her husband is away first!

Cash is the basis of all evil, and man wants roots.

The most effective issues in life are for a price.

He who’s flogged by destiny and laughs the louder is a masochist.

What number of clergymen are wanted for a Boston Mass?

Topologists are simply aircraft of us.

Pilots are simply aircraft of us.

You may idiot among the folks the entire time, and the entire folks among the time, however you may make a idiot of your self anytime.

Allow us to do not forget that ours is a nation of attorneys and order.

Individuals who dwell in stone homes should not throw glasses.

Snigger and the world thinks you are an fool.

Astronauts are out to launch.

In case you are what you eat, does that imply Euelle Gibbons actually was a nut?

There isn’t any such factor as a “Fail Secure” design.

No quantity of cautious planning will ever change dumb luck.

Successful is not every part, however then dropping is nothing.

All I ask for is a chance to show that

cash does not purchase happiness.

Poverty is the basis of all evil.

If I would like your opinion, I am going to ask you to fill out the required type.

To each rule there may be an exception, and vice versa.

Archaeologists take sedimental journeys.

Keep in mind, the paper is at all times strongest on the perforations.

A closed mouth gathers no toes.

Smile! It makes folks surprise what you have been as much as.

Smile! Issues can solely worsen.

In spite of everything is alleged and executed, often extra is alleged than executed.

There are two sorts of individuals on this world: People who need to BE one thing, and people who need to DO one thing. (There may be much less competitors within the second class.)

Give a girl an inch and she or he’ll park a automobile in it.

Gargling twice day by day is an effective approach to see in case your neck leaks.

Rubbing hair restorer into your scalp is an effective approach to insure furry fingers.

Stopping baldness is easy. Simply knot your hair from the within.

Regardless that one retains his nostril to the grindstone, it doesn’t imply that he’s good for something moreover reducing bread along with his nostril.

Outdated bakers by no means die, they only give up making dough.

Outdated doughnut makers by no means die, they only get uninterested in the entire enterprise.

Center Age: Midway between adolescence and obsolescence!

If God had meant man to have computer systems, he would have given him 16 fingers.

All work and no play, will make you a supervisor.

If we can’t fix it – its damaged!

You may by no means do away with a foul mood by dropping it.

Would the final particular person to depart Michigan please end up the lights?

Did Mt. St. Helens make Seattle Wash. ?

186,000 mps: It isn’t simply a good suggestion — It is the legislation.

I am an influential particular person – gravitationally talking.

For those who knew what Mona Lisa knew, you’d smile too.

The one approach to do away with temptation is to yield to it.

The one factor worse than being talked about isn’t being talked about.

Marriage is likely one of the chief causes of divorce.

The shortest distance between two factors is often below building.

To be born wealthy is an accident; to die wealthy is a miracle.

Rooster feed is what most of our nest eggs have changed into.

Nothing makes a politician neglect marketing campaign guarantees sooner than being elected.

Behind each profitable man you may discover a lady with nothing to put on.

Prosperity is when your dialog adjustments from automobile swimming pools to swimming swimming pools.

In a combat between you and the world, again the world.

A idiot and your cash are quickly companions.

Win or lose, you lose.

Lt. Uhura says:”Subspace Communications – It is the subsequent smartest thing to beaming there!”

Structured Programming helps the legislation of the excluded muddle.

There are two methods to jot down error-free applications; solely the third one works.

In software program methods it’s usually the early chicken that makes the worm.

The most effective guide on programming for the layman is “Alice in Wonderland”; however that is as a result of it is the most effective guide on something for the layman.

A LISP programmer is aware of the worth of every part, however the price of nothing.

An enough bootstrap is a contradiction in phrases.

In case your laptop speaks English it was most likely made in Japan.

A yr spent in Synthetic Intelligence is sufficient to make
one consider in God.

Extended contact with computer systems turns mathematicians into
clerks and vice versa.

In computing, turning the apparent into the helpful is a dwelling definition of the phrase ‘frustration’.

We’re on the verge: Right now our program proved Fermat’s next-to-last theorem!

The pc is the final word polluter: its feces are indistinguishable from the meals it produces.

The proof of a system’s worth is its existence.

Enhancing is a rewording exercise.

Why did the Roman Empire collapse? What is the Latin for workplace automation?

Pc Science is embarrassed by the pc.

In searching for the unattainable, simplicity solely will get in the way in which.

Epigrams are macros, since they’re executed at learn time.

Economics is known as the dismal science, however that is simply because most economists are dismal scientists.

Crime would not pay, if the federal government ran it.

Streakers repent! Your finish is in sight.

How will you inform when an IBM salesman is mendacity? When his lips transfer.

We’ll launch no software program earlier than its time.

Flying is the artwork of throwing your self on the floor… and lacking!

Honesty is subsequent to poverty.

Cleanliness is subsequent to unimaginable.

Your karma simply ran over my dogma.

In GOD we belief – all others require a section overview.

Disks journey in packs.

A rolling disk gathers no MOS.

Get off your ASCII.

Laborious the place? Delicate the place?

The agony of delete.

My laptop places out.

Bugs are Sons of Glitches!

Your Zip file is open.

My parts are indiscreet.

Air air pollution is a mist demeanor.

No matter occurred to the great outdated days when intercourse was soiled and the air was clear?

Outdated Grandad is lifeless however his spirits dwell on.

Keep in mind, even should you win the rat race – you are still a rat.

Some folks carve careers, others chisel them.

Anarchy is in opposition to the legislation.

Nudists are individuals who put on one-button shirts.

Archimedes had no ideas!

Outdated troopers by no means die – younger ones do.

Sacred cows make nice hamburgers.

Spare the rod and spoil the drag race.

Condense soup, not books.

Philadelphia is not uninteresting – it simply appears so as a result of it’s subsequent to thrilling Camden, NJ.

Eradicate authorities waste regardless of how a lot it prices.

The explanation the federal government thinks you are only a quantity is as a result of it is only a machine.

Loss of life is nature’s means of telling you to decelerate.

For these of you who suppose life is a joke, simply consider the punchline.

Save our virgin forests – purchase a tree a chastity belt.

An egotist thinks he is within the groove when he is in a rut.

Hawaii is as American as apple poi.

Hold grandmothers off the streets – legalize bingo.

Lately govt. is a 4 letter phrase.

Any authorities that is sturdy sufficient to offer the folks every part they need is a authorities that is sturdy sufficient to take it away.

Graffiti has modified deface of the nation.

Boy Hippie: a man who seems to be like a Jill and smells like a john.

Computer systems can by no means change human stupidity.

The price of liberty is lower than the worth of oppression.

Life is sort of a diaper – quick and loaded.

The extra you domesticate folks the extra you flip up clods.

Zeus gave Leda the chicken.

Daisies of the world unite! You don’t have anything to lose however your chains.

Paranoia is heightened consciousness.

Do not look again, the lemmings are gaining on you.

All of the world’s a stage and the folks on it are poorly rehearsed.

A chicken within the hand could be messy.

Above all else – sky.

Nostalgia is not what it was.

Serfs up – Spartacus.

Clark Kent is a transvestite.

An American’s an individual who is not afraid to criticize the President – however is at all times well mannered to site visitors cops.

SDRAWKCAB spelled backwards is backwards.

Stamp out philately.

Whistler’s mom is off her rocker.

The one that is all wrapped up in himself is overdressed.

The one race price successful is the human race.

Braveness is worry that has stated its prayers.

You may by no means inform which means the prepare glided by wanting on the tracks.

The eye span of a pc is simply so long as its electrical twine.

All’s nicely that ends.

A gathering is an occasion at which the minutes are stored and the hours are misplaced.

All issues are potential besides snowboarding via a revolving door.

It’s higher to have liked a brief man than by no means to have liked a tall.

Coed dorms promote campus unrest.

Abolish first marriages!

He who’s henpecked might lend an ear to different chicks.

Could all of your hang-ups be drip-dry.

Ladies’s Libbers are OK, I simply would not need my sister to marry one.

Sigmund’s spouse wore Freudian slips.

Mother Earth is not flat!

Rent the morally handicapped.

The way in which to a person’s coronary heart is thru the left ventricle.

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