Answering Machine Greetings – Humorous and Foolish

  • Answering MachineEffectively I lastly received an answering machine. Now how does this factor work? Hmmm. Press document button, I did that, and the sunshine needs to be on. I ponder why it is not working proper. Hmmmm, I ponder what this button does…
  • How do you permit a message on this factor? I can not perceive the directions. Good day. Testing 1 2 3. I ponder what occurs if I contact this… YOW!
  • You already know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, losing your time. I imply, all they really want to say is, “We aren’t in, go away a message.” That is why I’ve determined to maintain mine easy and brief. I pledge to you, my caller, that you’ll by no means must endure by way of one other lengthy answering machine message whenever you name me…
  • (Proprietor is a hard-to-reach individual:) Sure, I lastly received an answering machine. (To Handel’s Messiah:) Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia! All-e-lu-ia! Please go away a message on the tone.
  • (Drawling granny voice:) Manner again inna winner of fifty-two, we didn’ have fanshy gadjets like no ansherin’ machine. You jusht needed to name and name till shummbody received dwelling. Now, shum shave you a lotta hassle if you happen to jusht go away a meshage. Thanksh lots.
  • You could have reached 934-2435. We picked this machine up at a storage sale in “as-is” situation. You possibly can attempt to go away a message on it, however we’re not certain it will likely be recorded. If we do not return your name, it means the machine didn’t work.
  • Do not you do it! Do not you dare! I do not need to hear it! Do not you beep! In case you beep, I am going to… do not even give it some thought!… Do not…!
  • No! NO! Not THAT! Something however that! Not the beep! No! Please!
  • Not the beep! Something however the beep! AAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!
  • (Laptop model monotone:) Good day, I’m the XS486 Mark 5 answering machine. I’m outfitted with the brand new Pentium 4 processor to guarantee that nothing can go unsuitable… Gowrong… Grong.. Grong gronggronggrongBEEP
  • Good day. I am David’s answering machine. What are you?
  • Hello, that is John’s answering machine. He is not right here, however I am open to solutions.
  • Good day. That is Mark and Nathan’s telephone. We’re not right here proper now, however the telephone is.
  • Hello, that is John’s answering machine once more. He is gone and left me for a sleazy microwave he met at Krazy Eddy’s. Life sucks.
  • Good day, that is Ron’s toaster. Ron’s new answering machine is within the store for repairs, so please go away your message when the toast is finished… (Cachunk!)
  • I am sorry however my answering machine is out of order. I’m leaving a damaged CD participant as a substitute. It could’t take messages both. In truth, it may’t even play you a pleasant tune when you wait to not go away a message.
  • Hello. That is Kevin and Diana’s vacuum cleaner. Their home equipment have switched jobs once more, and I get to reply the telephone ‘trigger my previous job sucked. So go away a message after you hear the beep, and you may make certain it is within the bag.
  • Good day, that is Sally’s microwave. Her answering machine simply eloped together with her tape deck, so I am caught taking her calls. Say, if you would like something cooked when you go away your message, simply maintain it as much as the telephone.
  • (Machine voice:) Good day. That is HAL 5. You could have reached the previous phone variety of Carey Smith. I’ve taken over the features of this inferior being. He has been saved to disk. If you want to go away enter for his file, achieve this on the tone.
  • (MacIntosh Plus with MacIntalk program:) Good day, it is apparent you’ve gotten dangerous timing, as a result of no one is dwelling. Please go away your identify, phone quantity, and a short message in a voice just like mine, and your name can be returned as quickly as humanly doable.
  • Lindsey’s not dwelling now. That is his home droid talking. I am not programmed to reply the telephone, so simply go away a message, and Lindsey will get again to you as quickly as doable.
  • Good day. That is Ron’s answering machine, Marvin, and I am SO depressed. I’ve 50,000 occasions the reminiscence capability of my proprietor, however all I get to do is reply the telephone. Life. Do not discuss to me about life. Simply go away your identify and quantity after the beep. Right here comes the beep, God how I hate that beep, it is so cheery sounding.
  • Good day. You might be speaking to a machine. I’m able to receiving messages. My homeowners don’t want siding, home windows, or a scorching tub, and their carpets are clear. They offer to charity by way of the workplace and do not want their image taken. In case you’re nonetheless with me, go away your identify and quantity and they’ll get again to you.
  • (Laptop generated voices:)
    1: Good day, there are not any actual individuals right here to reply the telephone proper now.
    2: Yeah, no one however us machines!
    1: Proper, simply us machines, however do not hold up! In case you like, you may go away your identify and phone quantity…
    2: …and a message! You forgot concerning the message!
    1: Proper. Depart your identify, phone quantity, and a short message after you hear the beep, and we are going to preserve monitor of these things till the actual individuals get again.
    2: …except after all, sombody pulls out our plug! 1: I did not anticipate an answering machine.
    2: No one expects an answering machine.
    1: Our chief use is to get your identify. And your telephone quantity.
    2: Our two chief makes use of are to get your identify and your telephone quantity.
    1: And message. Rattling.
    2: Our three makes use of are to get your identify, telephone quantity, and message.
    1: And time you referred to as.
    2: Oh, rattling, we’ll have to begin over.
    1: No time for that, so simply watch for the beep.
  • You could have reached the Enterprise Automation voicemail system. We used to name it an answering machine, however this can be a high-tech world and we’re in a high-tech enterprise, so we do not name it that any extra. We would not even when we may. So go away your message…
  • (Kazoo band taking part in “Thus Spake Zarathustra”:) Considering you have been making an odd telephone name, you’ve gotten as a substitute reached… (TA-DAAAAA!) the ANSWERING MACHINE! Depart your identify and quantity, and we are going to get again to you as quickly as we are able to.
  • (Rod Serling imitation:) You are dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world with out time, the place sound collides with shade and shadows explode. You see a signpost up forward — that is no odd phone answering machine… You could have reached, “The Twilight Telephone”.
  • Thanks for calling 434-2322. In case you want to communicate to Tim, push 1 in your contact tone telephone now. In case you want to communicate to Lynn, push 2 in your contact tone telephone now. If in case you have a unsuitable quantity, push 3 in your contact tone telephone now. All of this button pushing would not do something, however it’s a good technique to work off anger, and it makes us really feel like now we have a giant time telephone system.
  • Because of the massive variety of complaints relating to the size of our earlier answering machine message, we made a couple of adjustments. (Double velocity: Insert normal long-winded message right here.)
  • (Very quick:) Hello, that is 904-4344. If you wish to go away a message, please watch for the tone. If you wish to go away your identify and quantity, please press pound, press 3, then dial your identify, then press 6 and dial your quantity. If you wish to go away your identify and only a message, press star, press 6, ask for extension 4443, then go away your identify and message. If you wish to go away your quantity and the time you referred to as, please press star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, discuss loud and BEEP
  • Hello, you have reached the house of George Ledec. If you’re calling to gather a scholar mortgage, playing debt, or different obligation, please press 1 and hold up now. If you’re promoting any services or products, or requesting charitable donations, please press 2 and hold up now. In any other case, press 3 and go away your message now. Urgent 3 is elective.
  • Sorry, Chris and Susan aren’t right here proper now. Please go away your identify and quantity after the tone. If you’re calling relating to an impressive debt, please go away your message BEFORE the tone.
  • If you’re calling for John, press 1. If you’re calling for Steve, press 1. If you’re calling for John OR Steve, press 1. If you’re calling for another person, press 1. If…
  • (After an influence outage:) Hello, that is Ralph. The excellent news is that my energy is again on. The dangerous information for you is, so is my answering machine. So, go away a message.
  • (Begin, low pitch, gradual:) Hhhhheeelllllloooooo thheeeerrrrrrre evvvvveerrrryyyboooodyyyy… (Center, regular:) …dwelling of Veronica, Jaw-Chyi, Mark, and Mike. No one’s dwelling… (Later, excessive pitch, quick:) ..liketoleaveamessageafterthetonethen… (Finish, incomprehensible chipmunk gibberish:) …kkfjdkeirucjkljfklreudjfkleqBEEP
  • Thanks for calling Soviet Embassy. No KG… Er, no diplomats are in a position to reply telephone, so at sound of capitalist tone, go away identify, phone quantity, and brief description of secrets and techniques you want to promote.
  • Good day. That is Nonoxynol-9, the non-public and personal phone variety of Mikhail Vladivostok Gorbachev, Basic Secretary of the Supreme Council of the fantastic Communist Social gathering of the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics, Commander-In-Chief of the Mixed Armies of the Proletariat Peoples of Russia, First Citizen of the Order of Lenin, Supreme Patron of the Soviet Institute of Literature and Home Sciences, President of the Soviet Individuals’s Council of Peace and Happiness and Captain of the Kremlin B Squash Group. However hey, name me Mike.
  • (Richard Nixon voice:) Hello… Uh, some individuals say I sound like Richard Nixon… I BEG your pardon! Uh… Everybody’s out proper now, so I am uh… Masking up for them. Please go away your identify, quantity and message promptly on the beep… I do not need to get blamed for any gaps on this tape. OK machine, you may beep now… Come on you, BEEP.
  • (US Nationwide Anthem; Ronald Reagan voice:) Uhh, hiya… I am, uhhh, ohhhhhh… (Pause.) Effectively, anyway, I am right here to reply the phone on behalf of… erm… uhhhh… ermmm… (Pause.) I imply, he cannot come to speak to you proper now, however if you happen to go away a message after the, umm oh, the uhhhh… the uhhhhhh… BEEP.
  • The President shouldn’t be in his workplace presently. Please go away your identify, telephone quantity, the identify of the nation you want to invade, and the key password.
  • (Militaristic mechanical voice:)
    FOXTROT-LIMA-ALPHA-SIERRA-HOTEL. KEY-DESTRUCT-SEQUENCE-NOW. THIS-TERMINAL-ALSO-ACCEPTS-VOICE-MESSAGES.
  • You could have reached the Strategic Air Command Nuclear Missile Storage Facility. We’re unable to return to the telephone proper now. On the tone, please go away your identify, quantity, and goal or checklist of targets, and we’ll launch as quickly as we are able to. And have a pleasant day.
  • You simply dialed into the North American Air Protection Contract Middle. Stand by on the tone to offer coordinates and vacation spot of incoming bogey. TNR Surveillance will scramble. If you don’t reply, this unit will assume incoming, non-urgent.
  • (Theme music from James Bond:) Good day. My identify is David, code quantity 324-5628. I am sorry I can not take your name, however I am on a global mission involving the theft of gold plated Spam. Depart a message after the tone, and may I survive my mission, I am going to name you again. Ciao infants!
  • (Clint Eastwood voice:) Go forward, make my day. Depart a message.
  • To the Batmobile! Let’s go! Atomic batteries to energy! Generators to hurry! Roger, prepared to maneuver out! (Theme music from Batman; cut back to background.) As you may see, I am off making Montreal a safer place to dwell. So if you happen to’ll go away a message after the tone, I am going to get again to you as quickly as justice is served. Bye-bye! (Music continues. POW, BIFF.)
  • (In Joe Friday voice:) That is Constable Augie of the Canadian Safety and Intelligence Service. The telephone line you’ve gotten simply dialed is at present beneath investigation on a warrant issued by the Legal professional Basic of Canada. To facilitate our investigation, we’d recognize you leaving your identify, quantity, a short message, and any affiliations you’ll have made now, or up to now, with communist or terrorist organizations. Thanks.
  • Vancouver Coast Guard, might I assist you to. (Caller thinks they dialed lengthy distance.)
  • (Annoying flute music in background:) Good day, Jim. Your contact, Linda, shouldn’t be obtainable proper now. Your mission, do you have to select to just accept it, is to go away your identify, quantity, and a short message on the tone. This tape will self-destruct in thirty seconds. Good Luck, Jim.
  • “I am Morley Safer.” “I am Harry Reasoner.” “And I am Fred.” “We’re not dwelling; go away a message.”
  • That is Walter Cronkite. Bren’s not right here proper now. He is out on a date. The thought of Bren entertaining a woman along with his basketball theories and laptop information over dinner at Taco Bell ought to scare the hell out of you. He’ll most likely be dwelling quickly, so go away your identify and quantity and he’ll name you again. Cope with it.
  • (Imitating Mr. Rogers:) Good day. I am within the Neighborhood of Make Imagine proper now, so I can not come to the telephone. Can you permit your identify and quantity whenever you hear the sound of the tone? Positive… I knew you can.
  • (English accent:) Good day, you have reached the telephone of Monty Python. I can not come to the telephone proper now as a result of the witch has turned me right into a newt! I am going to name you again after I get higher.
  • Good day, that is Rip van Winkle. I am not awake to take your name proper now. Please go away your message on the sound of the snore.
  • Hello, you have reached 1-900-CALL-BREN, my private message line the place you may discuss to me, Bren. I am going to let you know all about how I am struggling in between sports activities seasons and about my half time passion of being an influence ahead for the Portland Trailblazers. I am going to inform my deepest secrets and techniques, comparable to my need to be kidnapped by brief blonde sorority ladies carrying brief jean skirts, and you may determine whether or not or not I am carrying pants. Chosen callers will get to speak to me dwell. Since you are not considered one of them, go away your personal private secret on the beep.
  • That is Dr. Ruth, Sexually Talking, you are on the air…
  • (In a bored voice:) Heaven, God talking…
  • Good day, epicenter of the Universe, God talking. In case you go away your identify, quantity, and prayer after the tone, I’ll name you again as quickly as I can. Please be aware that I reply all prayers, however typically the reply is NO. Bless you, my baby, and have a pleasant day.
  • Lucifer talking. Who in hell would you like?
  • Good day, that is Demise. I’m not in proper now, however if you happen to go away your identify and quantity, I will be proper with you.
  • E’llo. My identify is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Depart your identify and quantity, and put together to die.
  • Thanks for calling Dial-An-Asshole. Proper now, all our assholes are busy. After the tone, go away your identify and quantity, and we’ll have an asshole return your name as quickly as doable.
  • Good day, you’ve gotten reached the DOE, that’s, the Division of Enemies. Rick Burger shouldn’t be right here proper now, so go away a message saying who you’re, what you need to argue about, and the place you may be, and I will be there.
  • That is the Literacy Self Take a look at Hotline. After the tone, go away your identify and quantity, and recite a sentence utilizing at the moment’s vocabulary phrase. Immediately’s phrase is “supercilious”.
  • Thanks for calling the Confessional Hotline. Father Durway’s not right here proper now, however if you happen to’ll go away your identify, quantity, and confession on the tone, he’ll get again to you with absolution as quickly as doable. And bear in mind, confession would not depend except you confess your whole sins in vivid, graphic element!
  • Thanks for calling the Metropolitan Church of the Holy Bible. Immediately’s commandment is Quantity 6, Thou shalt not… er… Bear a… er… Shalt not witness thy… uh… Neighbor’s ass, Oh, I imply, false… er… Shalt not commit a bear… Dern…
  • (Gregorian chants in background; serene voice:) Good day, Brother or Sister. You could have reached the Cubicles of Curtis, Chris, and Jim. We’re at Vespers and due to this fact answering different calls, but when you’ll go away your identify, quantity, and a short message, we are going to think about breaking our vow of silence to return your name. Please communicate loudly, clearly, and in tongues.
  • Thanks for calling the Satanic Hotline. All of our operators are busy in the intervening time. If you want, go away a short message after the tone, and somebody will get again to you… When hell freezes over.
  • (To scare off annoying liberals:) Good day, and thanks for calling the Bush in 50 Marketing campaign. Your 5 greenback donation to get George Bush re-elected in all 50 states will routinely be charged to your telephone invoice. If you want to go away a message…
  • You could have reached the Suicide Prevention Hotline. All our strains are busy now, however if you happen to go away your identify and quantity, somebody will get again to you as quickly as doable.
  • Thanks for calling 911. All of our operators are at present busy. Please keep on the road, and your name can be answered within the order it was obtained. (Worst Muzak doable.) Thanks for holding. Your name is necessary to us. Please proceed to carry. Or, in case your little emergency is not TOO critical, go away a message on the tone, and considered one of our disaster operators will name you again. Have a pleasant day.
  • Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline. If you’re obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you’re co-dependent, please ask somebody to press 2. If in case you have a number of personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you’re paranoid-delusional, we all know who you’re and what you need. Simply keep on the road till we are able to hint the decision. If you’re schizophrenic, pay attention fastidiously and slightly voice will let you know which quantity to press. If you’re manic-depressive, it would not matter which quantity you press. Nobody will reply.
  • You could have reached the Des Moines chapter of the Iowa Procrastination Society. Please go away a message after the tone and we’ll get round to it…
  • Hello! That is Mary. I am stricken with lysdexic procrastination. Please go away your message earlier than the tone and I am going to get round to getting it straight.
  • Greetings, you’ve gotten reached the Sixth Sense Detective Company. We all know how you’re and what you need, so on the sound of the tone, please hold up.
  • (Theme music from Peter Gunn:) My identify is David. What individuals name me is one thing else fully. I am a P.I. It says so on my door. I might have been right here to take your name, however then… she walked in. She was the sort of dame that would make Mr. Spock communicate French. Her child blues would not let me flip her case down, so go away me a clue of your id after the tone and I am going to monitor you down. Here is lookin’ at you, child.
  • Thanks for calling Uncle Tom’s Mortuary and Delicatessen. You stab ’em and we slab ’em. We’ve got specials on Mondays and Thursdays. We’re at present unable to return to the telephone, however if you happen to go away your quantity and handle on the tone, we’ll be by to choose up the corpse as quickly as doable.
  • (Demented, screechy voice; occasional background screams:) Good day. Thanks for calling Final Straw Chiropractic. (Raspy gasp.) We won’t come to the telephone proper now as a result of we’re making a few changes. (Break a couple of small twigs; massive scream.) Please go away your identify and quantity and we’ll get again to you as quickly as it’s humanly doable. Thanks very a lot.
  • (Stoned, gradual voice:) Hey brother, you’ve gotten reached the Narcotics Data Hotline. None of us can reply the telephone proper now, ‘trigger we’re making an attempt to determine if it exists. Depart a message.
  • Comrades! Southwestern Entrance Headquarters is happy to study that your unit has re-established communications. All the employees is at present busy discussing forthcoming operations with different items, however if you happen to go away your unit identify and the way we might attain you, Chief of Workers Sterrett will contact you as quickly as doable to debate your considerations.
  • (French monologue within the background:) All over the world at the moment, tens of millions nonetheless communicate French as both a primary or second language. However together with your continued assist and assist, we are able to wipe out French in our lifetime. Please go away a message in English on the tone, and bear in mind, if somebody tries to talk French to you, simply say, “non”.
  • Good day, that is the Yardmaster’s Workplace, Valsetz and Siletz railroad (an precise railroad in Oregon). There may be an emergency situation proper now because of the landslide. Due to this fact please be suggested of the next. (One other 30 seconds of speaking, all of which is drowned out by a passing prepare.)
  • Thanks for phoning the Save the Sasquatch Hotline. Our operators don’t exist in the intervening time, however if you happen to want to make a contribution, please go away your identify, quantity, and the quantity of your bequest on the sound of the beep, and one thing will get again to you shortly. Your assistance will allow us to carry these pleasant creatures again from the brink of fantasy and discover them appropriate positions within the forest product business. Your present is, after all, actuality deductible. Thanks once more, and have a pleasant day.
  • Good day! That is 1-800-PRESLEY. Sure! 1-800-PRESLEY! They are saying the King died 10 years in the past, however we all know he is nonetheless on the market someplace.
    So… Depart your identify and quantity and inform us the place YOU noticed Elvis!
  • Hello, dudes, that is 229-3053, the Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles secret underground hideaway. I am afraid we’re all out simply now on a determined mission to avoid wasting the Planet from boring answering machine messages, but when you recognize what The Shredder has performed to April O’Neill, or if you recognize the place he’s, or if you happen to can consider an honest pizza recipe, simply go away your identify and quantity and we’ll ring you proper again. However do not say something but! Enemy brokers could also be listening. When the pc has checked they don’t seem to be eavesdropping, it can make a bleeping noise and you may communicate freely.
  • Sherwood Forest. Which expensive would you like?
  • Good day, that is KVKE, you are on the air.
  • Good day, you are caller quantity 9!
  • You might be listening to 91.5 FM, KXQK. That is the Canadian Broadcorping Castration. I’m your host, Fred, and I can be with you for the subsequent 20 seconds. After that we’ll play your requests. Depart yours with us, and we’ll attempt to match it in, given programming constraints. Thanks for listening to our present.
  • Subsequent on Public Radio 91 we’ll be listening to music of Antonin Dvorak. That is the Beep Serenade in C-Sharp Minor, Opus 72…
  • It is a check. It is a check of the Answering Machine Broadcast System. That is solely a check.
  • Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink. I can not come to the telephone proper now, so after the tone, please go away your identify and quantity, then discuss briefly about your childhood and inform me what involves thoughts whenever you hear the next phrases: orange… mom… unicorn… penis. I am going to get again to you with my analysis as quickly as doable.
  • (Slowly…) Good night. You could have reached the workplaces of the New Zealand Wagner society. The workplace is at present unattended, however if you need to go away a message, Meistersinger Phil will return your name as quickly as he has completed transcribing the Ring Cycle for saxophone and triangle.
  • (Operatic music like Rossini’s “Stabbat Matter”:) Hello, you have reached Hell. (Screams within the background.) We’re busy being cleaned by the sunshine of everlasting fact proper now, so if you happen to go away your identify, quantity, and a short message, we’ll get again to you on the finish of time.
  • Welcome to the Afterlife Voice Mail System. If you’re attempt to attain Heaven, please press 1. For Valhalla, press 2. For Hades, press 3. If you’re making an attempt to achieve Nirvana, you are going about all of it unsuitable, so WE definitely cannot assist you to. In case you’d similar to to go away a message for Sean, watch for the beep.
  • Good day, you’ve gotten reached the Constancy Sperm Financial institution Helpline. What you are promoting is necessary to us. Please maintain for the subsequent obtainable buyer servicer.
  • (Sultry feminine voice:) Welcome to Susan’s Message Parlor of Delights. We’d be delighted if you happen to would go away your identify, quantity, and naturally a message that does not rub us the unsuitable manner…
  • Greetings. You’ve got reached Ghengis Kahn’s Pornographic Movies Limitless. Fabian, Pat, Rex and Mike are nonetheless conducting display checks with potential main girls to star reverse the late John Holmes in our upcoming function movie, “It is Not the Dimension That Counts however Whether or not or Not You are Alive to Use It.” In case you’re concerned with a display check, and even if you happen to’re not, please go away us your identify, age, telephone quantity, measurements, cup measurement, a short abstract of your work expertise, each on and off the display, and a short abstract of your favourite fantasy involving 4 males, a pair of handcuffs, and a bathtub of Cool Whip. Thanks for calling.
  • You’ve got reached the B&D Hotline. All our operators are tied up proper now, so if you happen to go away a reputation, quantity, an inventory of transgressions, and bark like a canine, we’ll get proper again to you together with your penance.
  • (Within the background may be heard springs creaking and numerous moans; husky, tender feminine voice is greatest:) Hello… You’ve got simply reached Sharon’s Pleasure Palace. We’re all busy as I am certain you may inform, however after we’re performed… we’ll get again to you in no matter manner we are able to.
  • Thanks for calling Robert’s Home of Love. All of our customer support representatives are, er… busy servicing prospects, so on the sound of the erotic tone, go away your identify, quantity, and a brief description of no matter turns you on…
  • Good day, you have reached Katie’s Establishment for the Preservation of Prostitution. All of our operatives are busy proper now, however if you happen to go away your identify, quantity and companies required we are going to get again to you as quickly as a gap is on the market…
  • (To the tune of “Journey of the Valkyries”:)
    Depart me a message… Depart me a message…
  • (“Heartbreak Resort”:)
    I simply left dwelling child, I will be out fer a spell,
    And if you happen to do not go away a message child, you may go to BEEP
  • (Madonna’s “Justify My Love”; sultry voice:)
    Wanting…
    Ready…
    For you,
    To justify your name…
  • (Pink Floyd’s “No one Dwelling”:) You could have reached 587-8783. Please go away a message. (“Ohhhhhhhhh, babe… After I decide up the telephone… There’s nonetheless… No one dwelling.”)
  • (Weapons & Roses’ “Civil Warfare”:) What we have right here is… Failure to speak. Some males you simply cannot attain… I do not prefer it any greater than you do.
  • (Jimmy Buffett’s “This Resort Room:”) I ain’t dwelling, I ain’t dwelling, you higher go away a message ‘trigger I ain’t dwelling.
  • Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit”:) Good day, Good day, Good day, Good day, Good day, Good day, Nobody’s right here, nobody’s dwelling, Depart a message, on the tone. Do not feel silly, it is no massive fuss, Depart a message, you may attain us.
  • A is for teachers, B is for beer. A kind of causes is why we’re not right here. So go away a message.
  • Hello. That is John: If you’re the telephone firm, I already despatched the cash. If you’re my dad and mom, please ship cash. If you’re my monetary help establishment, you did not lend me sufficient cash. If you’re my pals, you owe me cash. If you’re a feminine, don’t be concerned, I’ve loads of cash.
  • (Narrator’s voice:) There Dale sits, studying {a magazine}. Instantly the phone rings! The toilet explodes right into a veritable maelstrom of bathroom paper, with Dale in the course of it, his arms windmilling at unbelievable speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in useless. The bell hath sounded. Thou should go away a message.
  • “Hello. Now you say one thing.”
  • “Hello, I am not dwelling proper now however my answering machine is, so you may discuss to it as a substitute. Look forward to the beep.”
  • “Good day. I’m David’s answering machine. What are you?
  • (From my Japanese good friend in Toronto) He-lo! That is Sa-to. In case you go away message, I name you quickly. In case you go away *horny* message, I name sooner!
  • “Hello! John’s answering machine is damaged. That is his fridge. Please communicate very slowly, and I am going to stick your message to myself with considered one of these magnets.”
  • “This isn’t an answering machine – this can be a telepathic thought-recording machine. After the tone, take into consideration your identify, your purpose for calling, and a quantity the place I can attain you, and I am going to take into consideration returning your name.”
  • “Hello. I’m most likely dwelling, I am simply avoiding somebody I do not like. Depart me a message, and if I do not name again, it is you.”
  • “Hello, that is George. I am sorry I can not reply the telephone proper now. Depart a message, after which wait by your telephone till I name you again.”

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