Whenever you often have a very dangerous day, and also you simply must take it
out on somebody, do not take it out on somebody you recognize — take it out on
somebody you do not know.
I used to be sitting at my desk once I remembered a telephone name I had forgotten to
make. I discovered the quantity and dialed it.
A person answered, saying, “Howdy.”
I politely mentioned, “May I please converse with Robin Carter?”
Abruptly, the telephone was slammed down on me. I could not imagine that anybody
could possibly be so impolite. I noticed I had referred to as the incorrect quantity. I tracked down
Robin’s appropriate quantity and referred to as her. I had by chance transposed the
final two digits of her telephone quantity. After hanging up along with her, I made a decision to
name the ‘incorrect’ quantity once more.
When the identical man answered the telephone, I yelled, “You are an asshole!” and
I wrote his quantity down with the phrase ‘asshole’ subsequent to it, and put it in my
Each couple of weeks, once I was paying payments or had a very dangerous day, I might
name him up and yell, “You are an asshole!” It at all times cheered me up.
When Caller ID got here to our space, I believed my therapeutic ‘asshole’ calling
must cease. So, I referred to as his quantity and mentioned, “Hello, that is John
Smith from the Phone Firm. I am simply calling to see when you’re acquainted
with the Caller ID program?”
He yelled, “NO!” and slammed the telephone down.
I shortly referred to as him again and mentioned, “That is since you’re an asshole!”
At some point I used to be on the retailer, on the brink of pull right into a parking spot. Some
man in a black BMW lower me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently
waited for.. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been ready for that
spot. The fool ignored me I observed a “For Sale” sign up his automobile window . .
so, I wrote down his quantity.
A few days later, proper after calling the primary asshole ( I had his
quantity on velocity dial), I believed I had higher name the BMW asshole, too.
I mentioned, “Is that this the person with the black BMW on the market?”
“Are you able to inform me the place I can see it?”
“Sure, I dwell at 1802 West thirty fourth Road. It is a yellow home, and the automobile’s
parked proper out in entrance.”
“What’s your identify?” I requested.
“My identify is Don Hansen,” he mentioned.
“When’s a good time to catch you, Don?”
“I am house each night after 5.”
“Pay attention, Don, can I let you know one thing?”
“Don, you are an asshole.”
Then I hung up, and added his quantity to my velocity dial, too. Now, once I had
an issue, I had two assholes to name.
However after a number of months of calling them, it wasn’t as satisfying because it used
So, I got here up with an concept. I referred to as Asshole #1.
“You are an asshole!” (However I did not hold up.)
“Are you continue to there?” he requested.
“Yeah,” I mentioned.
“Cease calling me,” he screamed.
“Make me,” I mentioned.
“Who’re you?” he requested.
“My identify is Don Hansen..”
“Yeah? The place do you reside?”
“Asshole, I dwell at 1802 West thirty fourth Road, a yellow home, with my black
Beamer parked in entrance.”
He mentioned, “I am coming over proper now, Don. And also you had higher begin saying
I mentioned, “Yeah, like I am actually scared, asshole.”
Then I referred to as Asshole #2.
“Howdy?” he mentioned.
“Howdy, asshole,” I mentioned.
He yelled, “If I ever discover out who you might be…!”
“You may what?” I mentioned.
“I will kick your ass,” he exclaimed.
I answered, “Nicely, asshole, this is your probability. I am coming over proper now.”
Then I hung up and instantly referred to as the police, saying that I lived at
1802 West thirty fourth Road, and that I used to be on my manner over there to kill my homosexual
Then I referred to as Channel 13 Information concerning the gang warfare taking place on West thirty fourth
I shortly obtained into my automobile and headed over to thirty fourth road.
Once I obtained there, I noticed two assholes beating the crap out of one another in
entrance of six squad automobiles, a police helicopter, and the channel 13 information crew.
NOW, I really feel higher – That is “Anger Administration” at its best.