All Hail Our Robotic Vasectomy Nurse Mistresses

My Dream Date With Queen Amina of Zazzau

I share one thing with my two male cats apart from a passion for weekend naps; we’ve got all been neutered.

“We all know how you are feeling.”


I went underneath the knife a decade and a half in the past on the request of my spouse, mom of two sons who weighed in at a median of 9.75 kilos.  Sufficient is sufficient, she mentioned.

“. . . and make certain and ask him if he has any plans for the weekend.”


On the time, surgical procedure was carried out solely by human beings, because it had been for the reason that daybreak of recent drugs.  In attendance at my operation was a pleasing younger feminine nurse, who assisted my urologist within the process.

As you possibly can think about if you happen to’re a man, a vasectomy entails a extra delicate area of the physique than say, removing of 1’s knowledge tooth or knee surgical procedure.  Intense focus is required to dam out any residual feeling that native anesthetic might have did not deaden.

350px Operating theatre
“I hear we’re going to be getting some rain immediately!”


So I closed my eyes and tried numerous attention-shifting methods, corresponding to counting backwards from 100, recalling the batting averages of the 1964 St. Louis Cardinals, and naming the presidents of the USA in inverse order of top (trace: don’t begin with Jimmy Carter).  My meditation was interrupted, nevertheless, by a sound that I discover annoying even when somebody isn’t playing around between my legs; the voice of a chatty nurse.

James Madison:  Begin with him.


Whereas my physician went about his enterprise with dispatch, the younger girl to my proper began in with a barrage of questions that might have introduced a reprimand from a trial decide: what did I do, the place did I work, was it fascinating, what did I do for enjoyable, and many others.; small speak that I may need tolerated, although simply barely, had I not been underneath the knife, however which was the very last thing I wished to listen to as I sought to succeed in a state of zen-like unconsciousness.

“Fast–somebody get the Baseball Almanac! I’ve run out of questions.”


After grunting responses to those short-answer questions, she requested me whether or not I had any particular plans for the weekend.  I thought of a quick comeback corresponding to “I believe I’ll put a bag of ice on my groin and moan till Monday,” however as an alternative went with a grim and testy “No” within the hope of slicing off–I take advantage of the time period advisedly–additional dialog.

For these of you whose procreating days haven’t but come to an finish, there may be hope that the scourge of the chatty vasectomy nurse can be conquered in our lifetime.  New developments in robotics maintain out the promise that, sooner or later, minimally-invasive surgical procedures can be carried out totally by machines, in some instances from distant areas.   Consider that!

patient cart robot
Robotic surgical machine


As a substitute of a highly-trained surgeon hovering over you with a knife, there can be a hunk of chilly metal full of wiring and circuit boards, able to un-man you with out intrusive questioning from a human nurse in hospital scrubs!

Until, after all, your state Board of Registration in Drugs requires the presence of a robotic surgical nurse with the intention to guarantee security and high quality of care, through which case your focus might maybe be damaged by a query corresponding to . . .


“Do you want Star Wars?  I believe C3PO is so cute!”

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