A brief guide to scientific literature
This satiric post features a selection of the most reliable and timely resources for searching the scientific literature.
It has long been known == I haven’t bothered to check the references.
It is known == I believe.
It is believed == I think.
It is generally believed == My colleagues and I think.
There has been some discussion == Nobody agrees with me.
It can be shown == Take my word for it.
It is proven == It agrees with something mathematical.
Of great theoretical importance == I find it interesting.
Of great practical importance == This justifies my employment.
Of great historical importance == This ought to make me famous.
Some samples were chosen for study == The others didn’t make sense.
Typical results are shown == The best results are shown.
Correct within order of magnitude == Wrong.
The values were obtained empirically == The values were obtained by accident.
The results are inconclusive == The results seem to disprove my hypothesis.
Additional work is required == Someone else can work on the details.
It might be argued that == I have a good answer to this objection.
The investigations proved rewarding == My grant has been renewed.
Synthesized according to standard protocols == Purchased.