A brief guide to scientific literature

This satiric post features a selection of the most reliable and timely resources for searching the scientific literature.


It has long been known == I haven’t bothered to check the references.

It is known == I believe.

It is believed == I think.

It is generally believed == My colleagues and I think.

There has been some discussion == Nobody agrees with me.

It can be shown == Take my word for it.

It is proven == It agrees with something mathematical.

Most Computer Illiterate People Ever

Of great theoretical importance == I find it interesting.

Of great practical importance == This justifies my employment.

Of great historical importance == This ought to make me famous.

Some samples were chosen for study == The others didn’t make sense.

Typical results are shown == The best results are shown.

Correct within order of magnitude == Wrong.

The values were obtained empirically == The values were obtained by accident.

The results are inconclusive == The results seem to disprove my hypothesis.

Additional work is required == Someone else can work on the details.

It might be argued that == I have a good answer to this objection.

The investigations proved rewarding == My grant has been renewed.

Synthesized according to standard protocols == Purchased.

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