59 Warning Indicators Of Madness

1. Your pals inform you that you’ve been appearing unusual currently, and
then you definately hit them a number of instances with a sledgehammer.
2. Everybody you meet seems to have tentacles rising out of locations that
you would not anticipate tentacles to be rising from.
3. You begin out every morning with a 30-minute jog across the rest room.
4. You write to your mom in Germany each week, despite the fact that she sends
you mail from Iowa asking why you by no means write.
5. Each time you see a road signal, you might have an amazing urge to
relieve your self on it.
6. You put on your boxers in your head since you heard it would ward of
evil dandruff spirits.
7. You are all the time having to apologize to your subsequent door neighbor for
setting fireplace to his garden decorations.
8. Each business you hear on the radio reminds you of demise.
9. Folks keep away from you every time they hear you howl.
10. Your breath smells increasingly like squirrel dung every passing day.
11. You snigger out loud throughout funerals.
12. When your physician tells you to say ah, you yell out “RAPE! RAPE!”
13. No one listens to you anymore, as a result of they can not perceive you
by that scuba masks.
14. You start to cease and think about all the blades of grass you have
stepped on as a baby, and fear that their ancestors are going
to someday search revenge.
15. You could have significant conversations along with your toaster.
16. Your father pretends you do not exist, simply to play alongside along with your
little phantasm.
17. You acquire useless windowsill flies.
18. Everytime the telephone rings, you shout, “Hey! An angel simply obtained its
wings!”
19. You want cats. Particularly with mayo.
20. You scream “I’ve obtained a knife!” to individuals who attempt to promote you issues.
21. You scream “I’ve obtained a knife!” to folks at your loved ones reunion.
22. You cry on the finish of each episode of Gilligan’s Island, as a result of they
weren’t rescued.
23. You set tennis balls within the microwave to see if they will hatch.
24. Everytime you take heed to the radio, the music sounds backwards.
25. You could have a predominant worry of cloth softener.
26. You get up every morning and end up sitting in your head within the
center of your entrance garden.
27. Your dentist asks you why every particular person tooth has your title
etched on it, and also you inform him it is for safety causes.
28. Melba toast excites you.
29. When the waiter asks on your order, you ask to enter one other
room to inform him, as a result of “the napkins have ears.”
30. You are inclined to agree with the whole lot your mom’s useless uncle tells you.
31. Each time you see the business for the Hair Membership For Males, you suppose
to your self, “I feel I am going to kill the pope in the present day.”
32. You name up random folks and ask should you can borrow their canine, only for
a couple of minutes.
33. Your essential objective in life is to change into the president of Bulemia.
34. Almost the whole lot you say includes the phrase, “P-toing!”
35. You argue with your self about which is best, to be eaten by a koala
or to be cherished by an infectious illness.
36. You want to take a seat in cornfields for extended intervals of time, and
faux that you are a stalk.
37. You suppose that exploding would not be so unhealthy, as soon as you bought used to it.
38. You attempt to make an inventory of the Warning Indicators of Madness. (cough)
39. Folks give you assist, however you sadly interpret this as a
violation of your rights as a boysenberry.
40. You want studying lists like this. 🙂 (The Paul Richter
Particular Version Appendix)
41. You sit in your room for hours on finish listening to Peter, Paul & Mary
and taking part in solitaire in your laptop.
42. You expertise intervals of time when your mouth can do nothing however sing
“Mama’s little child loves quick’nin’, quick’nin….”
43. You start to begin nearly each dialog with the introduction to
_The A-Team_ theme track.
44. You spend three hours sitting on the ground chopping and pasting a
undertaking on your COLLEGE English course, and also you get
actually pissed off as a result of you possibly can’t recall
all of the kindergarten-period expertise that it requires.
45. You verify your e-mail about six instances a day, solely to seek out that no one
cares sufficient to ship something to you.
46. You imagine that Quayle would really win the 1996
presidentialelection.
47. You learn Anne Sexton’s poetry for twelve out of any sixteen-hour
interval.
48. You learn Sylvia Plath to cheer your self up, and when that does not work
you pop _The Wall_ into the stereo…
49. You suppose Popeye’s anchor tattoo would look even higher on YOUR
forearm.
50. You utilize Velocity Stick Clear Ocean Surf Deodorant for the scent.
51. You begin appending an inventory like this, and you end up simply going
on and on and on and on…
52. You begin to repeat your self.
53. You begin to repeat your self.
54. You begin actually stretching for unhealthy jokes and low-cost laughs.
55. You acknowledge that you’re doing so.
56. You blatantly announce it.
57. You retain wanting within the Rap part at Tower Information looking for
that new M.C. Escher album.
58. Your best accomplishment thus far in your school profession is your
new-found capacity to blow smoke rings.
59. You resort to mass e-mailings as your sole technique of unabashedly begging
for consideration.

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