51 Nurses And Midwives Share What Are The Most Horrid Names They Saw Parents Trying To Name Their Kids
For new parents, naming their baby can be both a blessing and, sometimes, a curse. You see, while most moms and dads have at least a rough idea of what name they’re going to register for their little miracle, some do struggle to come up with something original.
And this can be a daunting task when you keep in mind that on average, about 250 babies are born every minute—more than 130 million in a year. But can a baby name get a teeny tiny too original? Like, on the border of becoming something potentially troublesome and question-raising as the child is growing up?
Well, one redditor ought to have found out as they asked “Nurses and midwives of Reddit, have you ever tried to talk new parents out of a baby name? What was it?” on Ask Reddit. The answers started pouring in and they will be illuminating, to say the least. Take notes, parents, ‘cause there’s a fair reason you never ever want to give your baby a spin of the name Collin which is spelled “Colon.”
I had a coworker named Trina, and when she was pregnant, she told me that she and her husband decided to name their baby ‘Latrine.’ I had to explain to her that she was naming her poor baby after the hole in the ground that soldiers s**t into!”
“She was horrified, and changed it to ‘Katrina.’ Then, two days after the kid was born, Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans
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Oh I got one. Goth parents (18ish) had a baby. They wanted to name this sweet baby girl Death. I could not stand for it. So I told them every time I went to type it into birth certificate it changed the form to a death certificate. They bought and that girl is now named Morticia
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My grandmother once put Virginia on a birth certificate when the parents had requested Vagina but didn’t know how to spell it.
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Choosing a perfect name for your little one can be totally nerve-wracking. One day, the one you carried in mind for the past 9 months just doesn’t feel right anymore, and you’re back to searching for a new one.
Of course, many parents bear a great deal of confidence in their baby name choice, but it’s totally normal to have second thoughts. A survey conducted by Mumsnet.com found that almost one-fifth of parents in the UK would opt for a different name for their child if they had a chance.
The reason according to the survey is 25% of regret because the name was “too common,” and 21% of regret was caused by a name which “just didn’t feel right.”
My boss’s friend named their kid ‘Monster Galileo.’ The nurse tried to talk them out it, but they insisted. The kid goes by ‘Galileo.'”
“Honestly, I kind of like the sound of it for an adult or a performer’s name, but being a kid named ‘Monster’ has to be rough in school
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My husband wanted to name our son Truck . Almost ended in divorce. Needless to say, none of our boys are named Truck and we are still married
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My classmate’s mother was a maternity nurse, and she once had a couple who wanted to name their son ‘Collin,’ but wanted to give him a unique spelling. So they chose to spell it C-O-L-O-N. They tried to name their son Colon — as in, the organ attached to your anus. When my classmate’s mother explained this to them, they were painfully embarrassed, and asked her to just use the usual spelling instead. I don’t think they’ll ever live it down
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The best way to avoid such thoughts is to think about it in advance. So before registering your baby a name, do your homework. You can check whether a name’s popularity is trending up or down on sites like BabyNameWizard.com and Nameberry.com. Make sure the name you want is not super popular at the moment, because if it is, the chances are you’ll be hearing everywhere wherever you go!
X Æ A-12
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My ex-husband didn’t think it was fair that girls could be named ‘Grace’ or ‘Hope,’ and he seriously suggested ‘Pestilence,’ ‘War,’ or ‘Plague.’ And his choice for a girl was ‘Tangerine.’ Fortunately, we never had any children
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My dad wanted to name me ‘Sky’ — but he thought replacing the ‘y’ with an ‘i’ would be cute. Thank God my mom didn’t go along with it, or I may have been named ‘Ski.’
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On the other hand, picking an extremely rare name is not an ideal way to go about it either. Make sure your child will be able to grow and socialize comfortably with the name you’ll give to them and it won’t cause any unwanted attention.
I worked at a registrar for a while, and some of the standout names on the birth certificates I got were ‘Killer,’ ‘Syphilis,’ and ‘Sweet Prayer Sunrise’
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Ladies and Gentlemen, Adolph Hitler.
The parents then tried to claim they weren’t Nazis…. At first
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I once had a student named ‘Linoleum.’ Some midwife definitely dropped the ball on that one.
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After all, we all learn to love names. You see, it’s usually not the name per se which bugs us, but a person we know who bears that particular name. If we don’t like the person, we’d probably have the same feeling about that name.
So, imagine that a child who you and your family adores to the moon and back will forever be precious no matter the name you give. In the end, some people just won’t get that name you picked and that’s also fine.
Not a nurse or a midwife but I had to talk a friend out of naming their daughter jkmno
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Working as an ERT on overnights, I got called to OB to help out alot. One name will always stick with me because of how unfortunate it is for the kid and how ridiculous it all is. The mom was deep in meth and other substance abuse and she told us she wanted him named Zion. We were like oh cool no problem so we asked her to fill out the paperwork of everything for us to submit and put in the chart and she wrote down Vzyiion…..she looked us dead in the eyes and said, the V is silent….. She also gave him 5 middle names because she didn’t know which one was the father so he got em all
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I lived with a student midwife when I was a student, and the first set of twins she delivered were named ‘Red’ and ‘Blue.’
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As a med student, I had a patient who wanted to name her child ‘Mudpiles.’ The nurses silently protested and waited a few days. Mom eventually changed her mind
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I work in a music store that offers lessons and rents instruments. We have a list of the oddest child names.
~ Jamuary, Qwest, Sixte, She’Bra, Battle, ShyAnn are just a few on there.
~ The best one was Alivia (pronouned Ah-Lee-Vee-ah). When speaking with the grandmother she said that the mom wanted to name her Olivia but the father hated the name. Dad saw a bottle of Aleve on the counter so he and the mother compromised and came up with Alivia
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My uncle wanted to name his daughter Raider God. I’m glad they settled on Jada
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I tried to tell someone not to name their kid ‘Tarmac.’ They’d recently learned the word from NASCAR.
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I used to work in labor and delivery. One of the very experienced nurses had two times she had to talk people out of naming their child Vagina… and explain why they were hearing that word they liked so much
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I’m neither of these, but I had a classmate in university whose name was Meganathan.
…To date I don’t know why Nathan failed to suffice
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My mom wanted to name me Kirby. After her vacuum. Thankfully my dad talked her out if it.
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My brother wanted to name our soon-to-be younger brother ‘Corn Peas,’ and our parents almost went with it because they felt bad for asking for his input and then rejecting it. Fortunately, they got over that.
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My sister’s initials were almost PMS they swapped the first and middle names
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I know a teacher who has a elementary age student with a African name that unfortunately does not translate well into English North America, the kids name is Acock Ring, and yes I wish I was kidding
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My daughter named my grandchildren…Draven Tyrion Dexter Zaraphil Johnson, and Andromeda Nymphadora Jane Zaraphil Johnson….I’m not happy , but at least we convinced her to leave Lucifer out
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Girl in highschool was named yanique (pronounced unique)
She was certainly one of a kind
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My mother wanted to name my baby brother ‘Ichabod Rusty.’ Our surname is ‘Ford,’ and she was determined to call him ‘Icky Rusty Ford.’ She tickled herself sh*tless through her pregnancy, but eventually my dad said ‘No,’ and they settled on something much more appropriate.
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My kids have a friend in their class called Famous (male).
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Back in 2000-2004 I worked at a hospital doing admin and an ol’ battleaxe of a senior midwife stomped over with this angry-looking pregnant teenager in tow.
“Varvara!” Old Battleaxe roared. “Varvara, open up that internetty-thing on your computer!”
Old Battleaxe did not know computers, but she was well scary, so I agreed, and opened up the internetty-thing.
“Show this ridiculous child the first picture that appears when you type in the word Chanterelle!”
The angry pregnant teenager whined about how it was a pretty name and loads of girls were naming their little girl it, and then went stone-dead silent when she saw picture after picture of nasty sulphur-yellow mushrooms sprouting out of muddy forest floors.
“Told you! It’s a [friggin] fungus!” Old Battleaxe roared, and stamped off to be Terrifying and Sensible at other pregnant teenagers, leaving me with the angry one.
Turned out that the name she had actually been thinking of was Chardonnay, which is both the name of very expensive wine and the name of a character in a UK soap opera called Footballers Wives, which was about as classy as it sounds.
The baby got that as a middle name later on, which was fine, the first name was Sophie or something along those lines.
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I’m not a nurse or a midwife, but I was once paid to design birthday cards for a kid named ‘Mileage,’ pronounced My-Leige, like how you’d refer to a king
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I was almost named Cinderall I have no idea what my dad was smoking at the time
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A baby here is named Covid Bryant… not even kidding. Look it up
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I currently work with someone who’s first name is “Imunique”. I don’t think any midwives or nurses were involved with the naming
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My coworker went to school with a girl named ‘Fallopia.’ I feel sorry for her when she’s in biology class and they talk about Fallopian tubes.
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My boyfriend was nearly called ‘Eggbert,’ but ‘Egg’ for short. So glad they decided against it!
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When I travelled around Africa, there were people named for qualities the parents wanted for the kid. So met Happiness, Joy, Loveness, Goodluck (very common), Leadership, Sunshine.
My favourite: Shoes.
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I used to work with youth who needed mental health support. I worked with 2 girls who had the following first names: Nawja (pronounced like nausea), & Cinnamon. I felt terrible for them.
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My ex wanted to name my son Jager (pronounced either Jagger or Yager) or Shotenjäger. That was a no.
Everyone talked me out of naming my daughter Evelyn (and nickname Evie – it’s a family name but apparently it’s for old women only lol)
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Obligatory not a nurse or midwife.
Took a call at the call center once and this poor frazzled EMT told me that she was delivering a kid and the mom’s bowels voided, which is normal and apparently that’s called “miconium.”
She told her partner “Oop we got some miconium here” and the mom yells “Oh my god that’s such a beautiful name – you just named my baby!”
The caller said “Paul, I…I tried to tell her, but…there’s a kid running around named Birth S**t and I just don’t know how to handle being responsible for that”
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As a Family Medicine Resident, I personally delivered two different girls named Khaleesi. This was around 2016, well before season 8. I imagine there might be some buyer’s remorse on the parents part at this point
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My wife talked me out of naming our son Leviacus. She settled on Levi
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My boyfriend’s grandmother wanted to name her daughter Sunshine. The midwife said that wasn’t allowed because “it wasn’t a real name” and his grandmother had no other back up baby names. So, a few minutes later when she heard someone down the hall screaming “Tina”, she named her daughter Tina because she couldn’t think of anything else on the spot.
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My brother talked my mother out of naming me ‘Mulan’, because he had a major crush on her and didn’t think a ‘sack of potatoes’ deserved her name
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I once met a dude named Lovey. It was a family name. I think it was especially cute because he was such a big tough guy.
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Not in the medical field but my fiance wants to name our first born son Murloc and I very much protest it.
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Not a nurse, but my mom had to talk my dad out of wanting to name me Prudence. I wouldn’t have mind being called Prudence, but that’s just me. Now I have an even weirder name that nobody knows how to pronounce because of a popular TV show
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My dad loves Stevie Nicks and wanted to name all of us Rhiannon but my mom wouldn’t let him. So my oldest sisters name ended up being Stevie Nicole but now people always assume she’s a guy when they see the name Stevie
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Again, not quite what was being asked, but a friend of mine was almost called Apollo. To be fair, he was born on the day of the first moon landing in 1969, and his dad is Greek. His mom put her foot down, though, and he ended up Alexander, which is still a good Greek name (okay, technically Macedonian, but the Greeks claim him too).
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I have a false leg, and the midwife had to talk my parents out of naming me ‘Peggy.’
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I was almost named Thaddeus
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