100 funniest short jokes
“I want to start with a chimney joke – I have a stack. The first is at home. “- Vine Team
As a scarecrow, people say I am extraordinary in my field. But straw – it’s in my jeans.
“The best time to add insult to injury is when you sign a contract with someone.” – Demetri Martin
“Years ago I used to supply Filofax to the mafia. I was involved in a very organized crime. “- Milton Jones
“I dreamed last night that I cut carrots with the Grim Reaper – revoked with death.” – Vine Team
I told my girlfriend that she raised her eyebrows too high. He looked surprised.
“I went to buy camouflage pants the other day, but I couldn’t find it.” – Tommy Cooper
I waited and stayed up all night and tried to find out where the sun was. Then I realized.
“I saw this guy chatting up cheetah. I thought:‘ He tried to pull fast. ‘”- Team Vine
“I have kleptomania. But when it gets worse, I take something for it. “- Ken Dodd
Time passes like an arrow, the fruit flies like a banana.
“This man said to me: ‘I will attack you with the neck of the guitar.’ I said: ‘Is it anxious?’ “- Vine Team
“This police came to me with a pencil and a very thin piece of paper. He said, ‘I want you to track someone for me. ” – Vine Team
“Someone really praised me while driving me today. They left a few notes, he said said Good Parking. ‘- Vine Team
I told my friend 10 jokes to make him laugh. There are no words in 10 do.
I bought a few shoes from a drug dealer. I did not know what he liked about them, but I had tripped all day.
I have decided to sell my Hoover – it only collects dust.
“I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that time one by one.” – Tom Ward
How does NASA arrange a party? They are planets.
Did you hear about the actor falling from the floor? He just passed the stage.
“My New Year’s resolution is to get a good body shape. I choose the round. “- Sarah Millican
“My wife – it’s hard to say what she did. She sells shells on the beach.” – Milton Jones
What does the left eye to the right eye say? Between you and me, something smells.
“I told the Inland Revenue I didn’t owe them a dime. I lived by the sea.” – Ken Dodd
My wife told me that I must stop acting like a flamingo. So I have to put my foot down.
“I need a password that is eight characters long, so I chose Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.” – Nick Helm
Sometimes I put my knees to my chest and leaned forward. That’s how I roll.
“The hardest work I have ever had? Selling doors, door to door. “- Bill Bailey
A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. He is now an experienced veteran.
“Looking at my face like reading in a car. It’s okay for 10 minutes, then you start feeling sick. “- Andrew Lawrence
I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said “Thank you!” I said, “Don’t mention it.”
“I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting’. So, we stopped playing chess. “- Matt Kirshen
Why do we tell the actors to ‘break their legs?’ Because each game has a player.
“Crime in a multi-storey parking lot. That’s wrong on many different levels. “- Vine Team
“Cement mixers collide with the prison van. Drivers are asked to look for 16 hard criminals. “- Peter Kay
What is the difference between hippos and hippos? One is very heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
“I met this guy with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen. I thought, ‘that’s Abba-riginal.’ “- Vine Team
“My grandfather found a cold air balloon. It never really took off.” – Milton Jones
“I recently went on a balloon vacation – I’m wearing four stones!” – Milton Jones
I hate Russian dolls … so full of themselves!
“Two monkeys are bathing. One said: ‘Oo, oo, aah.’ Others answered: ‘Then just chill.
My friend said to me: “What is Rhy