What We Can Learn From Television

  • All Scotsmen wear kilts.
  • There are only 2 types of old ladies – extremely sweet, and horribly disturbing.
  • All Europeans are  into twisted sex. and pubes.
  • All smart people are nerds.
  • Anyone can hack a computer.
  • The police don’t come and stop you if you’re causing violence on behalf of society.
  • All good supporting characters either betray you, or get shot.
  • Bad guys don’t shoot at you, they shoot around you.
  • Dolphins and Orca whales are practically fish-dogs.
  • If you jump and take a bullet to save a loved one’s life, it doesn’t go through you and kill them anyway.
  • All manner of automobiles regardless of circumstances shall always, always burst into flames when falling from a height.
  • Whenever a broken bridge is involved, a bus/truck/car/possum/train shall always hang halfway off the edge.
  • Dogs generally understand humans perfectly, unless they are needed to tilt their heads to one side.
  • All lawyers are bastards.
  • If there’s an unidentified object to be investigated, its somehow important that you approach it very, very slowly.
  • Taxi drivers and bartenders either abuse you, or give you meaningful life advice.
  • Older the guy, ulterior the motive.
  • tvVampires used to be able to turn into bats.
  • Sharks are arseholes.
  • All radio operators get shot right after their officer tells them what to do.
  • All gangsters and bad guys get knocked out immediately, except the ones you came looking for.
  • Guns practically solve everything.
  • Every bimbo has daddy issues.
  • A villain will always tell you his master plan/ make a confession before proceeding to kill you.
  • It is physically impossible to shoot the tyres of a getaway car.
  • Horses never know what’s going on.
  • As long as you jump away from a bomb when it explodes, you’re okay.
  • No one in america knows who their father is.
  • Smaller the plane, worse the pilot.
  • Its okay to blast music under any girl’s window.