The World’s Most Unpleasant Zodiac

CAPRICORN (DEC22-JAN20)

YOU ARE CONSSERVATIVE AND AFRAID OF TAKING RISKS.
YOU ARE BASICALLY CHICKEN SHIT. THERE HAS NEVER
BEEN A CAPRICORN OF ANY IMPORTANTANCE. YOU SHOULD
KILL YOURSELF!

AQUARIUS (JAN21-FEB18)

YOU HAVE AN INVENTIVE MIND AND ARE INCLINED TO BE
PROGRESSIVE. YOU LIE A GREAT DEAL. ON THE OTHER
HAND, YOU ARE INCLINED TO BE CARELESS AND IMPRACTICAL
CAUSING YOU TO MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES REPEATEDLY.
EVERYONE THINKS YOU ARE A FUCKING JERK.

PISCES (FEB19-MAR20)

YOU HAVE A VIVID IMAGINATION AND OFTEN THINK YOUR
BEING FOLLOWED BY THE F.B.I. OR THE C.I.A. YOU
HAVE A MINOR INFLUENCE OVER YOUR FRIENDS AND PEOPLE
RESENT YOU FOR FLAUNTING YOUR POWER. YOU LACK CONFI-
DENCE AND ARE GENERALLY A COWARD. PISCES PEOPLE SCREW
SMALL ANIMALS AND PICK THEIR NOSES ALOT.

ARIES (MAR21-APRIL19)

YOU ARE THE PIONEER TYPE AND HOLD MOST PEOPLE IN
CONTEMPT. YOU ARE QUICK TEMPERED, IMPATIENT, AND
SCORNFUL OF ADVICE. YOU ARE A PRICK.

TAURUS (APRIL20-MAY20)

YOU ARE PRACTICAL AND PERSISTANT. YOU HAVE A DOGGED
DETERMINATION AND WORK LIKE HELL. MOST PEOPLE THINK
YOU ARE STUBBORN AND BULLHEADED. YOU ARE NOTHING BUT
A DAMN COMMUNIST!

GEMINI(MAY21-JUN20)

YOU ARE A QUICK AND INTELLIGENT THINKER. PEOPLE LIKE
YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE BISEXUAL. HOWEVER, YOU ARE INCLINED
TO EXPECT TOO MUCH FOR TOO LITTLE. THIS MEANS YOU ARE
A CHEAP BASTARD. GEMINIS ARE NOTED FOR THRIVING ON
INCEST!

CANCER (JUN21-JUL22)

YOU ARE SYMPATHETIC AND UNDERSTANDING TO OTHER PEOPLES
PROBLEMS. THEY THINK YOU ARE A SUCKER. YOU ARE ALWAYS
PUTTING THINGS OFF. THIS IS WHY YOU WILL ALWAYS BE ON
WELFARE AND NEVER BE WORTH A SHIT!

LEO (JULY23-AUG22)

YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF A BORN LEADER. OTHERS THINK YOU
ARE PUSHY. MOST LEOS ARE BULLYS. YOU ARE VAIN AND CAN
NOT TOLERATE HONEST CRITICISM. YOUR ARROGANCE IS DISGUS
TING. LEO PEOPLE ARE THEIVING BASTARDS AND KISS MIRRORS
ALOT.

VIRGO (AUG23-SEPT22)

YOU ARE THE LOGICAL TYPE AND HATE DISORDER. THE NIT
PICKING IS SICKENING TO YOUR FRIENDS. YOU ARE COLD
AND UNEMOTIONAL AND OFTEN FALL ASLEEP WHILE SCREWING.
VIRGOS MAKE GOOD BUS DRIVERS OF PIMPS.

LIBRA (SEPT23-OCT22)

YOU ARE THE ARTISTIC TYPE AND HAVE A DIFFICULT TIME
WITH REALITY. IF YOU ARE A MALE, YOUR PROBABLY QUEER.
CHANCES FOR EMPLOYMENT AND MONETARY GAIN ARE EXCELLENT
MOST LIBRA WOMEN ARE WHORES. ALL LIBRAS DIE OF VENEREAL
DISEASE.

SCORPIO (OCT23-NOV21)

YOU ARE SHREWD IN BUSINESS AND CANNOT BE TRUSTED. YOU
SHALL ACHIEVE THE PINNACLE OF SUCESS BECAUSE OF YOUR
TOTAL LACK OF ETHICS. YOU ARE A PERFECT SON-OF-A-BITCH
MOST SCORPIOS ARE MURDERED!

SAGITTARIUS

YOU ARE OPTIMISTIC AND ENTHUSIASTIC. YOU HAVE A RECK
DEC21) LESS TENDANCY TO RELY ON GOOD LOOKS SINCE YOU HAVE NO
TALENT. THE MAJORITY OF SAGITTARIANS ARE DRUNKS OR
POTHEAD. PEOPLE LAUGH AT YOU ALOT BECAUSE YOU ARE ALWAY
GETTING FUCKED!