Star Wars Jokes : May the Force be With You

Star Wars Jokes Q & A

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Q: Why shouldn’t you ask Yoda for money?
A: Because he’s always a little short
Q: What program do Jedi use to view PDF files?
A: Adobe Wan Kenobi
Q: What do you call a Mexican jedi?
A: Obi-Juan Kenobi
Q: What do you call the website Chewbacca started that gives out Empire secrets?
A: Wookieeleaks
Q: What do you call a Jedi in denial?
A: Obi-Wan Cannot Be
Q: Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing?
A: At the Darth Maul
Q: Why did the angry Jedi cross the road?
A: To get to the Dark Side.
Q: What do you call stormtroopers playing Monopoly?
A: Game of Clones
Q: What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair?
A: Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
Q: What do you call a Sith who won’t fight?
A: A Sithy
Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed?
A: Han So-high
Q: Why didn’t Luke cross the road?
A: Because he got a ticket for Skywalking.
Q: What do you call two suns fighting each other?
A: Star Wars
Q: What do Star Destroyers wear to parties?
A: A bow TIE.
Q: What is a Jedi’s favorite toy?
A: A yo-yoda
Q: What song would Darth Vader sing if he were a Disney character?
A: “When You Wish Upon A Death Star”
Q: Which Star Wars character works at a restaurant?
A: Darth Waiter
Q: What do you call a pirate droid?
A: Arrrrr2-D2
Q: When did Anakin’s Jedi masters know he was leaning towards the dark side?
A: In the Sith Grade.
Q: Why do Doctors make the best Jedi?
A: Because a Jedi must have patience.
Q: How is Ducktape like the Force?
A: It has a Dark Side, a Light side and it binds the galaxy together
Q: What do you call potatoes that have turned to the Dark side?
A: Vader Tots
Q: Which Star Wars character uses meat for a weapon instead of a Lightsaber?
A: Obi Wan Baloney
Q: What did the rancor say after he ate a Wookiee?
A: Chewie!
Q: Why is a droid mechanic never lonely?
A: Because he’s always making new friends!
Q: What do Gungans put things in?
A: Jar Jars
Q: Why was yoda such a good gardener?
A: He had a green thumb!
Q: What do you get if you mix a fruit with a bounty hunter?
A: Mango Fett!
Q: What do you call a person who brings a rancor its dinner?
A: The appetizer.
Q: What did Obi Wan say to Luke when he tried to eat bantha pie with a spoon?
A: “Use the FORK, Luke.”
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with Darth Vader?
A: An ele-Vader.
Q: What would you call Padme if she was a dog?
A: Petme Imadoggie.
Q: Why did Yoda visit Bank of America yesterday?
A: He needed a bank clone!
Q: What do Whipids say when they kiss?
A: Ouch.
Q: What’s the differance between an ATAT and a stormtrooper?
A: One’s an Imperial walker and the other is a walking Imperial.
Q: How do you unlock doors on Kashyyyk?
A: With a woo-key
Q: What is Jabba the Hutt’s middle name?
A: “The”
Q: Why did Padme Amidal keep her Boots on?
A: Because they were too BOOT-iful!
Q: Why should you never tell jokes on the Falcon?
A: The ship might crack up.
Q: What time is it when an AT-AT steps on your chronometer?
A: Time to get a new chronometer.
Q: Why do Twi’leks like to flip coins?
A: So that they can say, “Heads or tails!”

The TRUE ending to “the Empire Strikes Back”:

A furious lightsaber duel is underway. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke’s hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there’s nowhere to go but straight down.

Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.

Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!

Darth Vader: No… I am your father!

Luke: No, it’s not true! It’s impossible.

Darth Vader: Search your feelings… you know it to be true…

Luke: NO!

Darth Vader: Yes, it is true.. and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?

Luke: Threepio?

Darth Vader: Yes… Threepio… I built him… when I was 7 years old…

Luke: No…

Darth Vader: Seven years old? And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn’t even levitate your own ship out of the swamp…

Luke: I destroyed your precious Death Star!

Darth Vader: When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!

Luke: Well, it’s not my fault…

Darth Vader: Oh, here we go… “Poor me… my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday… boo hoo, my daddy’s the Dark Lord of the Sith… waahhh wahhh!”

Luke: Shut up…

Darth Vader: You’re a slacker! By the time I was you’re age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights!

Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar’s Canyon!

Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor… 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open… Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer… right here baby!

Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.

Darth Vader: I was wrong… You’re not my kid… I don’t know whose you are, but you sure ain’t mine…

Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft.

Darth Vader looks after him.

Darth Vader: Get a haircut!

 

Random Star Wars Jokes

What movie were you watching when your VW was recalled? Return of the Jetta.

Were the deserts of Luke’s youth havens for body art? Yes, there was lots of Tattoine.

Did the reptilian desert mobster apply his computer programming skills to renovate his home? Yes, he Java’d the Hut!

Why were Han and Luke always after the princess? Because they thought she was quite the Leia.

Which wookie was on the fast-track to mouth cancer? Chewbacco.

Why was the feisty droid unstoppable? Because he was hard-to-de-tour (R2D2).

Why was Captain Calrissian so stupid? Because he was from Clod City.

How did Yoda deal with difficult, whining customers when he worked at a gourmet coffee shop? He said “boo or boo not; there is no chai!”

Are the inhabits of the Third Moon of Endor now cooking Japanese food online? Yes, they’re using their e-woks!

Which fishlike commander was disgusted whenever he entered a tavern? Admiral ‘Ack, bar!’

Can you beat a Gungan at a staring contest? Yes, because Jar Jar blinks!

Which Imperial commander was afraid of swimming? Darth Wader.

Shop for Star Wars paraphernalia at the Darth Mall.

What did people say when the Jedi master was victorious at the video game jujitsu tournamment? ‘Obi Won Shinobi!’

On Hoth did the Chinese restaurants serve tonton soup?

The IRS cracked down on the Jedi master because he Yoda lotta money.

The redneck bounty hunter was known as Bubba Fett.

Why could the rebel space fleet not fly? They were all ex-wings.

What do Jewish Star Wars fans play with? Droidles.

The foul black excretia of the Imperial presence was embodied in the Death’s Tar.

Was 3CPO an early example of a personal robot whore? Yes he was a proto call-droid!

Yoda never let Luke speak during his training – he had to master the jedi mime tricks.

Why didn’t they storm the empire’s base from the shadows? Because Yoda warned them about the dark side of the forts!

Which of Jabba’s henchmen made millions selling licorice? Nib Fortuna.

The windshield of the Millenium Falcon was so small – they could barely achieve wiper-space!

Why did Mark Hamill’s career fizzle? Because he was taken out by the star-destroyer.

Liam Neeson was not known for his big rear end; in fact on set they called him the Phantom Man-Ass.

How did the grey-haired jedi-nemesis threaten his victims? “I’ll Count Dooku, then I’ll shoot.”

The queen’s handmaiden was self-conscious about her bosom – they jokingly referred to her as Padme.

The Gungan leader was into chasing tail and listening to Springsteen – they called him Boss ‘n’ Ass.

Which rebel pilot loved Tex-Mex potato skins? Wedge-and-chilies!

Which father of a bounty hunter was partial to tropical fruit parties? Mango Fete!

Which Jedi leader cleaned his corn with ammonia spray? Maize Windex!

Which Imperial general made out in the back seat? Gran Moff Parkin.

Hayden Christensen can’t act. They should have renamed his character Mannequin Skywalker!

Despite having drunk wine, the rebel pilots were cleared to fly. After all, they had just one Red Litre.

Which Naboo captain defecated in a pan? Captain Pankaka!

11 Signs You Have Been Waiting In Line Too Long For Star Wars Tickets

 

11. That chick dressed as Princess Leia in front of you now qualifies as your”longest relationship with a woman.”

10. Can’t resist to urge to “unsheathe your lightsaber,” if you know what I mean.

9. Bossman Vader told you to take your Jedi powers to the planet of unemployment.

8. We’re bombing who? What the hell is a Kosovo?

7. A fellow fan compliments you on your Chewbacca costume, but you aren’t wearing one.

6. When a reporter asks you why you’re obsessing about a movie when there’s a war in Europe, you express full confidence in President Reagan’s ability to handle the situation.

5. Your Boba Fett lunchbox is worth $.45 more than it was when you got to the theater.

4. The guy next to you is in line for “Episode II.”

3. Obi-Wan‘s ghost shows up to spritz you with Lysol.

2. The dude in the Wookie suit is starting to look pretty good to you.

and the Number 1 Sign You’ve Been Waiting on Line Too Long For “Star Wars” Tickets…

1. Even your most loyal supporters are starting to question your order to “Just keep bombing Serbia until I get back.”