She is not a BABE or a CHICK – She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE – She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.
She is not a BAD COOK – She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.
She is not HALF NAKED – She is WARDROBE IMPAIRED.
She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY – She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.
She is not CONCEITED – She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.
She does not GAIN WEIGHT – She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.
She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER – She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
She is not EASY – She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
She does not TEASE or FLIRT – She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
She is not TOO SKINNY – She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME – She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.
She is not KINKY – She is a NON-INHIBITED SEXUAL COMPANION.
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP – She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.
She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS – She is GRAVITY RESISTANT.
HOW TO TALK ABOUT MEN AND STILL BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
He does not have a beer gut – He has developed a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.
He is not a bad dancer – He is Overly Caucasian.
He does not get lost all the time – He investigates Alternative Destinations.
He is not balding – He is in Follicle Regression.
He is not a cradle robber – He prefers Generationally Differential Relationships.
He does not get falling-down drunk – He becomes Accidentally Horizontal.
He does not act like a total ass – He develops a case of Rectal-Cranial Inversion.
He is not a sex machine – He is Romantically Automated.
He is not a male chauvinist pig – He has Swine Empathy.
He does not undress you with his eyes – He has an Introspective Pornographic Moment.
He is not afraid of commitment – He is Monogamously Challenged.