1. Not surprised, Satan’s a little bitch.
2. I’d cry too, if my Pikachu died.
3. Fuck off, his boyfriend left him for another Sasquatch.
4. Satan just walked in on his mom and dad getting it on. I’d be crying too.
5. He fell asleep at a party and woke up with dicks drawn on his face by his friends.
6. Cause he lost a bet to another fallen angel and had to get a shitty tramp stamp.
7. He got Teabagged by Santa Claus at the mall.
8. Because he saw the sad scene where Gandalf, from The Lord of the Rings, died and he’s been crying over it for weeks now. Maybe go to therapy, Satan?