ALIASES ——- Real pirates are more imaginative than to use the word “copy” in their alias. Corollary: Real pirates aren’t named “Mr. Copy” because real pirates don’t brag about coping Infocom Games. The word “crack”(or “krack”)is found nowhere in a real pirate’s name…… Unless, he really knows how to. Real pirates’ aliases don’t sound as if they were extracted from the lyrics of an Ozzy Ozbourne song (i.e. Provis- ioner of Satan, Black Avenger, Dark Phantom, etc….). Real pirates don’t name themselves after heavy metal groups. Real pirates, if named after some aspect of pirate legend (i.e. Jolly Roger, Captain Hook, Eye Patch, etc.) don’tRead More →

1. Excitable – Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts. 2. Sociable – Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not. 3. Crosseyed – Looks into the next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed. 4. Timid – Cannot piss if someone is watching, flushes urinal, comes back later. 5. Indifferent – All urinals being used, pisses in sink. 6. Clever – No hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses on floor. 7. Worried – Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection. 8. Frivolous – Plays stream up, down and across urinals, tries toRead More →

1 I have to floss my cat. 2 I’ve dedicated my life to linguini. 3 I want to spend more time with my blender. 4 the President said he might drop in. 5 the man on television told me to say tuned. 6 I’ve been scheduled for a karma transplant. 7 I’m staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture. 8 it’s my parakeet’s bowling night. 9 it wouldn’t be fair to the other Beautiful People. 10 I’m building a pig from a kit. 11 I did my own thing and now I’ve got to undo it. 12 I’m enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.Read More →