Funniest joke in the world

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

Please god, give me the strength

One day three blondes were walking along and came upon a raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do it. The first blonde prayed to god saying, ‘Please god, give me the strength to cross this river.’ Poof! God gave her big arms and strong legs, and she was able to swim across the river in about two hours. Seeing this the second blonde prayed to god saying, ‘Please god, give me the strength and ability to cross this river.’ Poof! God gave her a rowboat and she was able to row across the river in about three hours. The third blond had seen how this worked out for the other two, so she also prayed to god saying, ‘please god, give me the strength, ability, and intelligence to cross this river.’ And Poof! God turned her into a man. He looked at the map, then walked upstream and across the bridge.