Sarcastic Quotes

  • You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse.
  • Now we know why some animals eat their own children.
  • Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.
  • Talk is cheap, but that’s ok, so are you.
  • If we killed everybody who hates you, it wouldn’t be murder…it would be an apocalypse!
  • This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.
  • I’m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
  • When I look into your eyes, I see straight through to the back of your head.
  • A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind.
  • Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn’t have given you any worse advice.
  • Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today.
  • Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to lie to myself and try to like you?
  • Don’t let your mind wander, it’s far too small to be let out on its own.
  • Don’t thank me for insulting you, it was a pleasure.
  • Don’t you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without you putting in so much effort to give us another?
  • He always finds himself lost in thought; it’s unfamiliar territory.
  • I bet you get bullied a lot.
  • I can tell that you are lying, your lips are moving.
  • I don’t know what makes you so dumb but it really works.
  • I don’t mind you talking so much, as long as you don’t mind me not listening.
  • I don’t think you are a fool, but what’s my opinion compared to that of thousands of others.
  • I know you are nobody’s fool, but maybe someone will adopt you one day.
  • I like you. People say I’ve got no taste, but I like you.
  • I used to think that you were a colossal pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.
  • I will defend, to your death, my right to my opinion.
  • I would have liked to insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn’t understand me.
  • I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up your ass.
  • If you were twice as smart as you are now, you’d be absolutely stupid.
  • I’m glad to see you’re not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.
  • I’m impressed, I’ve never met such a small mind inside such a big head before.
  • I’ve come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than you are.
  • Pardon me, but you’re obviously mistaking me for someone who gives a damn.
  • People would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
  • She’s the first in her family born without tail.
  • That man is cruelly depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
  • There are several people in this world that I find unbearably obnoxious, and you are all of them.
  • What he is lacking in intelligence, he more than makes up for in stupidity.
  • Whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly.
  • What’s wrong, don’t you get any attention back home?
  • You are not even beneath my contempt.
  • You are not obnoxious like so many other people, you are obnoxious in a completely different and far worse way.
  • You grow on people, but so does cancer.
  • You have an inferiority complex and it is fully justified.
  • You should do some soul-searching. You might just find one.
  • You would never be able to live down to your reputation, but I see you’re doing your best.
  • Your mind isn’t so much twisted as badly sprained.
  • You’re a habit I’d like to kick – with both feet.

Difference Between Men and Women

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.

2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

5. Married men live longer than single men – but married men are a lot more willing to die.

6. Any married man should forget his mistakes – there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change & she does.

9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

10. There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a woman – before marriage & after marriage.