Ten Little Known Facts About Paris Hilton

  1. Contrary to popular belief, Paris was not named after Paris, France, but after Paris, Texas.
  2. Paris is so conceited and so egotistical that she recently called up Michael Jackson’s daughter Paris, and told her that she would pay her $16,000 to change her first name.
  3. Miss Hilton, the nation’s top celebutante, once stated "New Mexico, New Hampshire, New Jersey, and New York…what in the world is so new about those five states anyway?"
  4. Several years ago Paris dated Andy Dick, but broke up with him after he told her that he wanted to give her a hickey on one of her tonsils.
  5. Up until now, no one but her parents and sister Nicky, knew that Paris’s nickname is Flamingo.
  6. Three sayings that Paris uses on a daily basis are (1) I’m hot, (2) Go buy a bag of ice and chill, and (3) Here’s a straw – now suck it up.
  7. Paris once went into a pet shop in West Hollywood and told the sales clerk she wanted to buy a pet peeve.
  8. When it comes to geography, Paris is just as bad, if not worse than Sarah "Snowflake" Palin. Paris actually has said that South Korea is on top of North Korea.
  9. Nicole Richie, one of Hilton’s closest friends, says that Paris wanted to appear in Playboy Magazine but was turned down due to the fact that her (BLANK) is quite unusual looking.
  10. Louisiana comedian Zydeco Dupree recently said about the somewhat naive Paris, "Folks, let me put it this way. The blonde diva ain’t exactly the smartest flea on the cat."

Rules that Guys Wish Girls Knew

  1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
  2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it’s up, put it down.
  3. Birthdays, Valentines and anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present once again.
  4. Sometimes we’re not thinking about you. Live with it.
  5. If you think you’re fat, you may be. Don’t ask us. (besides, we’re not suicidal enough to answer anything other than "no" anyway)
  6. Sunday Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. It can’t be altered so just let be.
  7. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as sex, shortstops and carburetors.
  8. Shopping is not a sport
  9. Anything you wear is fine. Really
  10. You have enough clothes
  11. You have too many shoes
  12. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work.
  13. No, we don’t know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
  14. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We’re bound to miss sometime.
  15. Most guys own two or three pairs of shoes — what makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
  16. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect us to like it.
  17. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers.
  18. A headache that last for 17 days is a problem. See a doctor.
  19. Your mom doesn’t have to be our best friend.
  20. The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or tending the grill.
  21. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.
  22. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.
  23. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are.
  24. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both.
  25. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, neither do we.
  26. You know, YOU can ask HIM out too… Let’s spread the rejection around a little.
  27. Men are from earth; women are from earth. Deal with it.
  28. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
  29. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
  30. We’re not telepathic. We can’t read your mind, so don’t blame us for not knowing something you expected us to know without telling us. Conversely, you aren’t telepathic either, so don’t get mad about what you think we’re thinking, because your guess is probably wrong.

Rules that Girls Wish Guys Knew

 

  1. Asking a girl on Friday for a date on Saturday is completely unacceptable. Keyword: Planning
  2. Shave every day. One day’s growth of facial hair is worse than a girl not shaving her legs for a week.
  3. We may be emotional beings, but do not lie to squirm your way out of trouble. We are not as gullible as you think.
  4. Learn to clean up the toilet. If peeing standing up is so difficult and you are bound to miss, then may we suggest that you learn to use a toilet brush and sponge to clean up after yourself.
  5. We really don’t find it attractive when you stand there stratching yourself in the morning, afternoon or night- please do it in private.
  6. Don’t do it, if you’re not going to follow-thru. A woman would rather not have sex at all, than to have it and miss the climax by a mile because you weren’t up for the challenge.
  7. Don’t fix it if it’s really not broke. You don’t need to take everything apart out of curiosity.
  8. Ask for directions
  9. If you said you are going to be somewhere at a certain time, then do it. Don’t expect us to wait around.
  10. Professional Wrestling and Soap Opera’s are the same story lines, just different costumes. So don’t make fun of us for being hooked on Y&R when you are hooked on WWF.
  11. "I don’t feel like talking right now" is an acceptable thing to say- Unacceptable thing to do is sit there and pretend you’re listening and just say "uh huh" and "yes Dear"- it’s condescending.
  12. Get rid of your holey underwear.
  13. If you can ogle so can we!
  14. One remote is ENOUGH… no need to have a control tower in your living room.
  15. Couch Potato is not a sport, so don’t try to be an All-star at it!
  16. Your way is not always the right way. Learn to say- "I was wrong"
  17. If we can’t talk to you during a football game, then don’t try to get our attention during Ally McBeal.
  18. If you say you are going to do something, then just do it. Don’t sit around thinking of creative excuses why you couldn’t get to it.
  19. We are not your mothers, so don’t expect us to clean up after you like one.
  20. SkyLine Chili is not considered a romantic dinner for two.
  21. We have other friends of the male gender, so leave your jealousy at the door!
  22. If you concede to let us decorate the house without any input from you, then don’t complain when everything is in frilly flowers, and pink motif.
  23. When wearing a dress shirt, wear an undershirt underneath. Nothing worse than seeing a man’s hairy chest and nipples through his shirt. (PINK PINK PINK)
  24. Hey, we CAN be friends with our ex’s- so deal with it!
  25. We understand that you have to put on a manly act in front of your friends, but in the privacy of your own home, it’s okay if you just want to cuddle.

Hollywood lessons

– It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

– Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

– All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach the armpit level of a woman, but only the waist level of the man lying beside her.

– At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

– Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

– All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

– Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least a half-hour to escape.

– You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

– A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

– If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

– If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

– Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

– All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off, but luckily you’ll always blindly choose to cut the right wire.

– A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

– Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.