1. Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
2. The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
3. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
4. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
5. Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
6. Religion is like a pair of shoes…..Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.
7. If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
8. Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
9. Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
10. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it ?
11. Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
12. People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.
13. I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.