Funny SMS text messages

  • A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
  • I had amnesia once – maybe twice.
  • All I ask is a chance to prove money can’t make me happy.

  • The universe is a figment of its own imagination.
  • I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

  • Is there another word for synonym?

  • Why don’t men often show their true feelings?
    – Because they don’t have any.
  • Q: What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
    A: About 45 pounds!!
  • Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
    A: We don’t know. Never happens.
  • Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering
  • ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.
  • Q: Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together?
    A: To prevent the sensible ones from going home.
  • Q: What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
    A: Outlaws are wanted.
  • Q: What do you get when you put three ducks in a box?
    A: A box of quackers.

  • Time is a marvellous healer but is a complete failure as a beautician.

  • When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s £1.50 per minute
  • Never let a man’s mind wander, it’s too little to be out on it’s own
  • Son asks diff btw Confidence and Confidential
    Dad says, u are my son, I am Confident.
    Ur friend is also my son, thats Confidential
  • I’ve used up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead.
  • I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good either.
  • What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A b*tch who knows everything.
  • The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
  • The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
  • I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.

  • I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

  • Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

  • Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your computer.