Facebook Status – SIlly Facebook Statuses

Some interesting status updates that quickly went viral on Facebook.

Sexy-girl-using-computer

    • I’ll be back in five minutes. If I’m not, read this again 😀
    • I always hated weddings because old people would come over and poke me saying “You’re next.”. They stopped when I started doing it to them at funerals.
    • U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one. Fish cant Drown
    • I am wondering if one can grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars?
    • Have you noticed that the “lol” symbol looks like a drowning guy? I bet hes not laughing out loud!
    • I’m thinkin about takin my own life, I might as well. Except they might not sell weed in hell 😛
    • I sometimes think that Facebook should change the status question from “What’s on your mind?” to “What’s your problem today?”
    • When people are singing Happy Birthday to me, I have no idea where to look.
    • Phases of love. 1) xoxo. 2) xxx. 3) ex.
    • Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
    • Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I’m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh man….I could be eating a slow learner.
    • I went to see my doctor. “Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What’s wrong with me?” He said “I don’t know but your eyesight is perfect.”
    • I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
    • Women should not have children after 35. Really… 35 children are enough.

  • If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
  • The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
  • The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
  • A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail. A best friend is the one sitting next to you saying ‘boy was that fun.
  • We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
  • My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
  • URGENT WARNING! Facebook now automatically scans your brain through your monitor. To block, go to kitchen, get aluminum foil, and wrap it around your head. Stay calm, and breathe through your left nostril ONLY. This is a serious problem and has been confirmed by a friend’s cousin’s girlfriend’s neighbour’s son’s baby’s mama and her pet chihuahua.
  • Life’s a bitch, if it were easy it’d be a slut.I’d call you a tool, but even THEY serve a purpose.
  • Death is life’s way of telling you that you’ve been fired. Suicide is your way to tell life,
  • “you can’t fire me, I Quit!”
  • I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos.
  • FACEBOOK STORY: Add as friend – Approve -> Write something on wall -Intro – Everyday chatting – Ask number phone – Messaging – Calling – Meeting – Express love – Make relationship status – Hangout – Misunderstanding – Fight – Break up – Unfriend – Block !THE END
  • My mate changed his Facebook status to “suicidal, standing on the edge of a clifft” So i poked him…
  • I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
  • Weird discovery of the day. If you type a word in Facebook (in a comment, status, etc.) that happens to be the same as your password, after you click “Share”, Facebook automatically converts it to asterisks to protect your security. Allow me to demonstrate. My password is *******