Eddie Murphy Stand-up Comedy – Delirious

(Impersonating his father ranting drunkenly at the cookout) I’ll tell you somethin’, motherfucker! You can take your motherfuckin’ hairy, fat-ass moustache bitch out the fuck!! You can go upstairs and get the motherfuckin’ dog and scoop up the shit, and take Eddie and get these long, Angela Davis afro-wearin’ motherfuckin’ kids of yours and put them in the motherfuckin’ guni-gugu-mobile and get the fuck out!!
Eddie Murphy
Eddie Murphy Stand-up comedy

(About Stevie Wonder) I got mad, I was hanging out with Stevie two months ago. I said, ‘Look, Steve, I get too much motherfuckin’ flak over this impression. I don’t like doin’ it, I ain’t doin’ this shit no more.’ Stevie said, ‘Well, I feel that…’ I said, ‘Shut the fuck up, Steve.’ ‘Cause you’ve gotta cut Steve off, ’cause if he get a roll goin’ he’ll talk your ears off! You ever see Steve win a Grammy and go up and give one of them long ass acceptance speeches? They say, ‘And the winner is Stevie Wonder!’ Stevie be goin, ‘I’d just like to say…all the people in the world today…God’s children…’ ‘Look, just take the motherfuckin’ award and go!’ ‘Cause the credits be rollin’ and Stevie be up there goin’ ‘And I’d like to thank…’ I be in the car, I just said ‘Shut the fuck up, Steve. I’m tellin’ you, you a genius and all that shit, but you my boy, man, we hangin’, man. It’s nice and shit, but I don’t appreciate all the flak. And personally, the piano and the singin’ and all that, I told you how I feel about singin’ man, I ain’t impressed. You wanna impress me, take the wheel for a while, motherfucker!’ You don’t even have to be able to talk. Just sing and get famous. ‘Cause James Brown’s been singin’ 30 years. I don’t know what the fuck James is talkin’ about! Michael Jackson, who can sing, and is a good lookin’ guy…but ain’t the most masculine fellow in the world. There’s somethin’ about singing, that is the business! You sing, women go crazy! ‘Cause Mick Jagger is an ugly motherfucker…with big-ass lips! Mick Jagger’s lips so big, black people be goin’, ‘He got some big-ass lips! These are big motherfuckin’ lips!’