50 Signs To Tell If You Are Gay

gay1. You wear the appropriate underwear for each of your dates.

2. You understand the subtle differences between at least 20 brands of vodka.

3. You understand the immense importance of good (or bad) lighting.

4. You can be in a crowded bar and still spot a toupee from 50 yards away.

5. You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit and mean her bathing suit.

6. You can tell a woman she has lipstick on her teeth without embarrassing her.

7. No one expects you to kiss and not tell.

8. You can have naked pictures of men you know in your home.

9. You can have naked pictures of men you don’t know in your home.

10. You can have naked pictures of men you don’t know in your home and on your computer.

11. Unlike your women friends, you can hang out in men’s locker room.

12. You understand why the good Lord created spandex.

13. You understand why the good Lord did not intend everyone to wear spandex.

14. You know the difference between a latte, cappuccino, cafe au lait and a macchiato. And if you don’t, you know how to fake it.

15. You know how to get back at just about everyone.

16. Your pets always have great names.

17. Nobody expects you to change a tire.

18. You’re the only guy who gets to do the “Cosmo” quizzes.

19. You know how to get a waiter’s attention.

20. You only wear polyester when you mean to.

21. At any given instant, you can recite who was gay since the dawn of history.

22. You are, hands down, your nephew’s and nieces’ favorite uncle.

23. You get to choose your family.

24. You can tell your sexual compatibility with a potential partner by the way he holds his drink.

25. You can smile to let someone know you can’t stand them.

26. You wouldn’t be caught dead in Hooters.

27. You can freeze an approaching bar troll twenty feet away.

28. You’re good pals with women other people can’t stand.

29. You’ve always got an opinion, and don’t mind sharing it.

30. You’ve read the book, seen the movie, done the musical.

31. You know how to “air kiss”.

32. You know exactly which cosmetic surgery to consider having… and the perfect excuse to give people who ask where you’ve been for two weeks.

33. You know how to dress strategically.

34. You know when to move out and move on.

35. You are the only one at the class reunion who looks better than you did in high school.

36. You’ve got at least one framed picture of a pet.

37. You know that being called a “cheap slut” isn’t necessarily an insult.

38. You wouldn’t buy someone a mug for their birthday.

39. You know which wine to bring.

40. Sales clerks don’t mess with you.

41. You have a medicine chest stocked for any occasion.

42. You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade.

43. You’ve just about defeated the accent you were born with.

44. You know the way to a man’s heart is not necessarily through his stomach.

45. You choose the most fabulous greeting cards.

46. You know every film ever made with male frontal nudity.

47. You’ve got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level.

48. You have the latest International Male catalog.

49. You wouldn’t dream of dressing out of the latest International Male catalog.

50. You can be bitchy without anyone blaming it on biology.

Similarities between Santa Claus and system administrators

Santa Claus
Santa Claus

1. Santa is bearded, corpulent, and dresses funny.

2. When you ask Santa for something, the odds of receiving what you
wanted are infinitesimal.

3. Santa seldom answers your mail.

4. When you ask Santa where he gets all the stuff he’s got,
he says, “Elves make it for me.”

5. Santa doesn’t care about your deadlines.

6. Your parents ascribed supernatural powers to Santa, but did
all the work themselves.

7. Nobody knows who Santa has to answer to for his actions.

8. Santa laughs entirely too much.

9. Santa thinks nothing of breaking into your $HOME.

10. Only a lunatic says bad things about Santa in his presence.

Prediction of What Michael Jackson Would Look Like in the Year 2000

This article was published in 1985 from Ebony Magazine. In their special “What they may look like in 2000,” the Magazine editors gave it a wild shot of how would Michael Jackson look like 15 years later. Boy, were they wrong.

Futuristic Michael Jackson
Ebony magazine predicted what Michael Jackson would look likein the year 2000

What Ebony clearly did not know was that Michael would go on to turn white and be have a detachable nose and a possible penchant for bedding small children. If they would have predicted that Michael Jackson would have ended up looking like this: