…she has an uncanny way of standing between me and the television screen. Bases loaded, two strikes, three balls. The crowd goes wild, the pitch flies, and all I can see is her butt. – Howard, Dodge City, KS …she was furious when I got up early once and made her breakfast. Called me controlling. How dare I decide that she would eat breakfast, let alone what she’d have? – Ted, Wexford, PA …what’s mine is hers. I buy her negligees; she sleeps in my T-shirts. When she’s cold she wears my wool socks to bed, never her own. She steals my half-used razors; newRead More →

1. Because it’s Friday. 2. Because your dentist canceled your appointment. 3. Because you can’t think of anything boring to do. 4. Because it’s daytime. 5. Because it’s nighttime. 6. Because it’s exactly one week later than it was this time last week. 7. Because you like to make ice. 8. Because you want to annoy your neighbors. 9. Because you’re dying to wear your new light shade. 10. Because you’re tired of playing ‘Charades’ with yourself. 11. Because you’re carrying a party gene. 12. Because you found the perfect shoes. 13. Because you’re afraid your lifestyle is too healthy. 14. Because you never know…Read More →

1- I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. 2- Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect it back. 3- Half the people you know are below average. 4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name 5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. 6- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. 7- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 8- If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain. 9- All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand. 10- The early bird mayRead More →