Cancel your credit card before you die

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank.
Here is the exchange :
Family Member: ‘I am calling to tell you she died back in January.’
Citibank : ‘The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.’
Family Member : ‘Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.’
Citibank : ‘Since it is two months past due, it already has been.’
Family Member : So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?’
Citibank : ‘Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!’
Family Member : ‘Do you think God will be mad at her?’
Citibank: ‘Excuse me?’
Family Member : ‘Did you just get what I was telling you –
the part about her being dead?’
Citibank : ‘Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor.’
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member : ‘I’m calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.’
Citibank : ‘The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.’
Family Member : ‘You mean you want to collect from her estate?’
Citibank : (Stammer) ‘Are you her lawyer?’
Family Member : ‘No, I’m her great nephew.’ (Lawyer info was given)
Citibank: ‘Could you fax us a certificate of death?’
Family Member : ‘Sure.’ (Fax number was given )
After they get the fax :
Citibank : ‘Our system just isn’t setup for death.
I don’t know what more I can do to help.’
Family Member : ‘Well, if you figure it out, great!
If not, you could just keep billing her. She won’t care.’
Citibank: ‘Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.’
(What is wrong with these people?!?)
Family Member : ‘Would you like her new billing address?’
Citibank : ‘That might help…’
Family Member : ‘ Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.’
Citibank : ‘Sir, that’s a cemetery !’
Family Member : ‘And what do you do with dead people on your planet???

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft

  1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
  2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
  3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
  4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
  5. Only one person at a time could use the car unless you bought “CarNT”, but then you would have to buy more seats.
  6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would only run on five percent of the roads.
  7. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single “General Protection Fault” warning light.
  8. New seats would force everyone to have the same sized butt.
  9. The airbag system would ask “are you sure?” before deploying.
  10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
  11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (Now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the cars performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Dept.
  12. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
  13. You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off.

Why men are happy

  • Your last name stays put.
  • The garage is all yours.
  • Wedding plans take care of themselves.
  • Chocolate is just another snack.
  • You can never be pregnant.
  • You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
  • You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
  • Car mechanics tell you the truth.
  • The world is your urinal.
  • You never to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
  • You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
  • Wrinkles add character.
  • Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
  • People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
  • The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
  • New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
  • One mood all the time.
  • Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
  • You know stuff about tanks.
  • A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
  • You can open all your own jars.
  • You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
  • If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
  • Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
  • Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
  • You almost never have strap problems in public.
  • You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
  • Everything on your face stays its original color.
  • The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
  • You only have to shave your face and neck.
  • You can play with toys all your life.
  • Your belly usually hides your big hips.
  • One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
  • You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
  • You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
  • You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
  • You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes
  • .