True story from the Word Perfect Help line

SERVICE: "Ridge Hall computer assistance, may I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect."

SERVICE: "What sort of trouble?"

CUSTOMER: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

SERVICE: "Went away?"

CUSTOMER: "They disappeared."

SERVICE: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

CUSTOMER: "Nothing."

SERVICE: "Nothing?"

CUSTOMER: "It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type."

SERVICE: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

CUSTOMER: "How do I tell?"

SERVICE: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

CUSTOMER: "What’s a sea prompt?"

SERVICE: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"

CUSTOMER: "There isn’t any cursor. I told you, it won’t accept anything I type."

SERVICE: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

CUSTOMER: "What’s a monitor?"

SERVICE: "It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a T.V. Does it have a little light that tells you when it is on?"

CUSTOMER: "I don’t know."

SERVICE: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

CUSTOMER: "Yes, I think so."

SERVICE: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall."

CUSTOMER: "Yes, it is."

SERVICE: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"


SERVICE: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

CUSTOMER: "Okay, here it is."

SERVICE: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer."

CUSTOMER: "I can’t reach."

SERVICE: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"


SERVICE: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

CUSTOMER: "Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle – it’s because it’s dark."

SERVICE: "Dark?"

CUSTOMER: "Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

SERVICE: "Well, turn on the office light then."

CUSTOMER: "I can’t."

SERVICE: "No? Why not?"

CUSTOMER: "Because there’s a power failure."

SERVICE: "A power… A power failure? Aha, Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

CUSTOMER: "Well, yes. I keep them in the closet."

SERVICE: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

CUSTOMER: "Really? Is it that bad?"

SERVICE: "Yes, I’m afraid it is."

CUSTOMER: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

SERVICE: "Tell them you’re too fucking stupid to own a computer."

Words That Don’t Exist, But Should

1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks’ trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION (kar’ pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt’) v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow ‘remove’ all the germs.

4. ELBONICS (el bon’ iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.

5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak’ to man gyu lay’ shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the ‘illegal’ side.

7. PEPPIER (pehp ee ay’) n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.

8. PHONESIA (fo nee’ zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

9. PUPKUS (pup’ kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay’ shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only six inches away.

Megan Fox Quotes Dumb Or Awesome

Megan Fox
Megan Fox


If I ever lose a role because of my tattoos, I’ll quit Hollywood and go to work at Costco.

MEGAN FOX, Maxim, Jul. 2007

Transformers made $700 million and that opened a door to introduce this “new girl,” and I happened to be such an outrageous personality that people wanted to start writing about me because it was deemed controversial. I think if I had been a typical Hollywood actress and I said all the right things and I had been a publicity android, it wouldn’t have escalated to this level.

MEGAN FOX, Entertainment Weekly, Jun. 10, 2009

It is very important not to live depending on beauty, or having your career depending on it because it limits a lot. But I recognize that it is an attribute that gives me power.

MEGAN FOX, Vogue (Spain), Oct. 2011

I’ve gotten to the point where I just laugh about it. The tabloids can say whatever they want. But it’s not me. I’m a homebody. My husband is my best friend. That’s who I really am.

MEGAN FOX, Cosmopolitan, Apr. 2012

I’m blunt and maybe too honest. But being outspoken is good for women, particularly when it come to sex. Women are supposed to be on magazine covers dressed provocatively, but they’re not allowed to talk about sex? That double standard angers me.

MEGAN FOX, Maxim, Jul. 2007

I was always wearing the smallest clothes I could find. I would go to the mall like that — in a short, short skirt and a giant wedge heel. That’s what you do when you’re a teenage girl in a small town.

MEGAN FOX, Entertainment Weekly, Jun. 10, 2009

I didn’t know what I wanted when I first started out in this business, but I’ve made a conscious decision to do more comedies. I really like that levity. I want to be around funny people and have those on-set experiences.

MEGAN FOX, Cosmopolitan, Apr. 2012

Always assume that I’m being sarcastic.

MEGAN FOX, Entertainment Weekly, Jun. 10, 2009

This image that was created about me has many angles. We live in a world of cut phrases and headlines, and I prefer people not to know who I really am based on an statement released through the media. I like when I give whole interviews, they understand who I really am and why I’ve taken my decisions in life. I am much more than a piece of meat to sell to the media. The media shows a woman very different from who I really am. And the problem is that it can not be controlled. People believe what they want to believe and I can not comment on every thing they say, because my life would end up being consumed by having to explain lies. I prefer to accept that this is another aspect of my work.

MEGAN FOX, Vogue (Spain), Oct. 2011

It’s easy to just want to stay in because it’s comfortable. But I think couples need to mix it up. When we go out to dinner, I find that I flirt with him in ways that I totally don’t do in the comfort of our home.

MEGAN FOX, Cosmopolitan, Apr. 2012

I really enjoy having sex, and that’s offensive to some people. Women are the quickest to call other women sluts, which is sad. I haven’t met a lot of men who’ve said, “You like having sex? What a dirty whore you are!” That’s because they wish their wives or girlfriends would have more sex with them.

MEGAN FOX, Maxim, Jul. 2007

I’ve always had a sense of humor inappropriate for conventional situations.

MEGAN FOX, Vogue (Spain), Oct. 2011

I’m not going to win an Oscar anytime soon. I’m not Meryl Streep.

MEGAN FOX, GQ Magazine, Sep. 2008

I think all women in Hollywood are known as sex symbols. That’s what our purpose is in this business. You’re merchandised, you’re a product. You’re sold and it’s based on sex. But that’s okay. I think women should be empowered by that, not degraded.

MEGAN FOX, Entertainment Weekly, Jun. 10, 2009

I’ve never been afraid to do anything. Maybe it’s delusional, but I have this profound sense of purpose that I am supposed to do this and it’s going to work out…. I think it’s important to follow those instincts and to just go with it. It’s less scary when you have that strong gut feeling.

MEGAN FOX, Cosmopolitan, Apr. 2012