Category: Funny Texts

Don’t ever ask girl this questions.

• • How would you react if I started dressing like a pirate?
  • How long would you survive in a zombie apocalypse?
  • Do you believe in ghosts?
  • If I was your favorite pizza, what toppings would I have on me?
  • Hot fudge or whipped cream?
  • Who’s the better toy, Woody or Buzz?
  • If you could only smell like one food for the rest of your life, what would you want to smell like?
  • Can you spell supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?
  • What’s your favorite kid’s cereal?
  • If you could make out with any cartoon character, who would you pick?
  • What are you addicted to?
  • What is your superhero alter ego?
  • Do you talk to animals?
  • Do you know how to do the macarena?
  • How many pairs of shoes do you own?
  • What five things do you always have with you?
  • What is the last dream you can remember??
  • What is the most exotic food you’ve ever tried?
  • What is your favorite 80’s movie?
  • What is your favorite 90’s band?
  • If you were going to chug a 2 liter of any beverage, what would it be?
  • What could make me even more irresistible to you?
  • What food would you consider your mortal enemy?
  • Have you ever found a pizza delivery guy attractive?
  • If someone has something between their teeth, would you tell them?
• If you had to take a pie to the face, what flavor would it be?
• Which way should toilet paper face on the holder?
• If you were a man for a day, what would you do?
• What would you do for a Klondike Bar?
• Have you ever danced like Napoleon Dynamite?
• How would you feel if I slept with a stuffed animal?
• What is your biggest guilty pleasure?
• Would you still like me if I was a foot shorter?
• If your life was a sitcom, what would it be called?
• If you could only ride a unicycle or use stilts to commute, which would you choose?
• Would you ever drive a motorcycle with me on the back?
• What’s the funniest prank you’ve ever pulled on someone?
• Do you think I’d be cute in footie pajamas?
• Do you think bald is sexy?
• If you were a super villain, what scandalous crime would you commit?
• Tennis shoes, high heels, or flip flops?
• What would you do if a girl tried to buy you a drink?
• What do you buy at the candy store?
• If you had to get any weird piercing, what would it be?
• What dessert best describes your personality and why?
• If your sex life could be described in eggs, what kind of eggs would it be?
• What was your most embarrassing moment ever?
• What is your least favorite movie and why?
• You’re at Dunkin Donuts, which donut calls your name?
• What is the funniest pickup line someone has tried to use on you

UCLA student Alexandra Wallace posted a rant about Asian students using cell phones in the library to YouTube on March 13th, 2011. In the video.

Okay, so here at UCLA, it’s finals week.
So we know that I’m not the most politically correct person so don’t take this offensively. I don’t mean it toward any of my friends I mean it toward random people that I don’t even know in the library. So, you guys are not the problem.

The problem is these hordes of Asian people that UCLA accepts into our school every single year, which is fine. But if you’re going to come to UCLA then use American manners.
So it used to really bug me but it doesn’t bother me anymore the fact that all the Asian people that live in all the apartments around me — their moms and their brothers and their sisters and their grandmas and their grandpas and their cousins and everybody that they know that they’ve brought along from Asia with them – comes here on the weekends to do their laundry, buy their groceries and cook their food for the week. It’s seriously, without fail. You will always see old Asian people running around this apartment complex every weekend. That’s what they do. They don’t teach their kids to fend for themselves. You know what they don’t also teach them, is their manners.

Which brings me to my next point. Hi, in America we do not talk on our cell phones in the library. I swear every five minutes I will be — okay, not five minutes, say like fifteen minutes — I’ll be in like deep into my studying, into my political science theories and arguments and all that stuff, getting it all down, like typing away furiously, blah blah, blah, and then all of a sudden when I’m about to like reach an epiphany… Over here from somewhere, “Ooooh Ching Chong Ling Long Ting Tong, Ooohhhhh.”
Are you freaking kidding me? In the middle of finals week? So being the polite, nice American girl that my momma raised me to be, I kinda just gave him what anybody else would do that kinda like, [puts finger up to lips in a “shh” motion].

“You know it’s a library, like, we’re trying to study, thanks!” And then it’s the same thing five minutes later. But it’s somebody else, you know — I swear they’re going through their whole families, just checking on everybody from the tsunami thing. I mean I know, okay, that sounds horrible like I feel bad for all the people affected by the tsunami, but if you’re gonna go call your address book like you might as well go outside because if something is wrong you might really freak out if you’re in the library and everybody’s quiet like you seriously should go outside if you’re gonna do that.
So, thanks for listening, that was my rant. I just — even if you’re not Asian you really shouldn’t be on your cell phone in the library but I’ve just never seen that happen before so thank you for listening and have a nice day.

Over the span of nearly three decades, Nicholas Cage has proved himself as a transformative actor capable of playing versatile and often intense characters.

The single most viral instance featuring Nicholas Cage came in the form of an image macro, with his hair digitally manipulated in the shape of an eagle and a caption reading: “My Hair is a Bird; Your Argument is Invalid.” Based on a stillshot from set of the 2007 sci-fi action film Next, the photoshopped version is rumored to have originated on 4chan circa early 2008, although no archived thread exists to confirm this.

The phrase “Your argument is invalid” is often employed in debates of logic, and altough it predates the internet, many an internet know-it-all has used the phrase in chat, email, and on message boards. On May 19th, My Hair is a Bird made the front page of Digg.com.

In November 2009, the Internet witnessed the launch of Tumblr site Nicolas Cage As Everyone, a single topic blog dedicated to photoshopping the American actor’s face over everyone else that has ever been photographed. According to the site description, it was founded on the “belief that everything in life would be better with a little more Nicholas Cage, the most unique and versatile actor of his generation.”