- Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.
- White minorities still trying to have English recognized as the California’s third language.
- Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
- Baby conceived naturally… Scientists stumped.
- Authentic year 2000 “chad” sells at Sotheby’s for $4.6 million.
- Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon.)
- Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
- Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
- George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
- 35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
- Texas executes last remaining citizen.
- Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.
- Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
- Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes before installation is completed.
- New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screw-drivers and baseball bats must be registered by January 2036.
Pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet after every flight. This lets the mechanics know if any problems with the aircraft occurred on the flight. After fixing the issue the mechanic responds on the form:
Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and the solutions
(P = problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = solution and action taken by the engineers.)
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A; None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
A: Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Q: Why do women have smaller feet then men?
A: So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Q: How do you fix a women’s watch?
A: You don’t. There’s a clock on the oven.
Q: Why do men pass more gas than women do?
A: Because women don’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.
Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at the front door, which do you let in first?
A: The dog of course. At least he’ll shut up after you let him in.
Q: What’s worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A: A women who won’t do what she’s told.
Q: What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?