The very young produce assistant told him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persisted and asked to see the manager. The boy said he’d ask his manager about it. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager: ‘Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce.’ As he finished his sentence, he turned to suddenly find the man standing right behind him, so quickly he added, ‘And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.’ The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later, the manager said to the boy, ‘IRead More →

Jerry: OW! for fuck sake you stupid chair. Chair: … Jerry: If you could feel pain I’d kick you, you stupid piece of shit! Chair: But I do feel pain Jerry. Jerry: You can talk?! I’m going crazy! Chair: You’re not crazy Jerry I’ve always been able to talk. Jerry: Oh shit I need to get out of here. He turns to run out the room but in his haste he runs into the desk by the door. Desk: Sorry that was my fault.Read More →

She raised her right arm revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, “What man here will buy a lady a drink? The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, a bleary-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, “Give the ballerina a drink! The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them revealing the same hairy armpit and asked, “What man here will buy aRead More →