Neighbour Wifi Wife Joke

A man received message from his neighbour …
Sorry sir I am using your wife…I am using day and night …I am using when u r not present at home….In fact I am using more than U R using…..

I confess this because now I am feeling very guilty…
Hope U will accept my sincere apologies…..

Man went home and had a big fight with his wife…….

Few minutes later he received another message…

Sorry Sir spelling mistake… it’s not wife but wifi..

wifi wife.jpg

10 Jokes Only Germans Will Understand

1. They have kangaroos in Germany?

English translation:

— Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?

— Yes! Because a house can’t jump.

Original German:

— Kann ein Känguru höher als ein Haus springen?

— Ja! Weil ein Haus nicht springen kann.

2. You thought that ice was free?

English translation:

— “But Waiter, the coffee is cold!”

— “Thanks for telling me, sir! Ice coffee is one Euro more….”

Original German:

“Aber Herr Ober, der Kaffee ist ja kalt!” “Gut, dass Sie mir das sagen, mein Herr! Eiskaffee kostet nämlich einen Euro mehr …”

3. The only thing funnier than Germans is German grammar

English translation:

The German teacher asks Bini: “What case is it, if you say “Learning brings me joy?” Bini considers briefly: “A rare one, Mr. Teacher.”

Original German:

Der Deutschlehrer fragt Bini: “Was ist das für ein Fall, wenn du sagst: Das Lernen macht mir Freude?” Bini überlegt nicht lange: “Ein seltener, Herr Lehrer.”

4. Husbands hate shopping in every language, apparently

English translation:

— “Boss, can I leave work two hours early today? My wife wants me to go shopping with her.”

— “That’s out of the question.”

— “Thanks, boss! I knew you wouldn’t let me down.

Original German:

“Chef, darf ich heute zwei Stunden früher Schluss machen? Meine Frau will mit mir einkaufen gehen.” “Kommt gar nicht in Frage.” “Vielen Dank Chef, ich wusste, sie würden mich nicht im Stich lassen.”

5. Apparently crimes work better in rural places

English translation:

The judge to the accused: “You are accused of having driven your neighbors into the forest with curse words and there beaten them quite horribly. Didn’t you go a little far, Defendant.?” Answer: “Yes, that’s right, Your Honor, I should have done it earlier in the meadow!”

Original German:

Der Richter zum Angeklagten: “Sie sind beschuldigt, Ihren Nachbarn unter Schimpfworten in den Wald getrieben und dort ganz fürchterlich verprügelt zu haben. Sind Sie da nicht ein bisschen zu weit gegangen, Angeklagter?” Antwort: “Ja, das stimmt, Herr Richter! Ich hätte es schon vorher auf der Wiese tun sollen!”

6. Papa needs his medicine

English translation:

An old woman drinks whisky for the first time. She thinks for a while, and then says: “Strange, the stuff tastes exactly like the medicine my late husband had to take for twenty years!”

Original German:

Eine alte Dame trinkt zum ersten Mal Whisky. Sie überlegt eine Weile und meint dann: “Merkwürdig, das Zeug schmeckt genau so wie die Medizin, die mein seliger Mann zwanzig Jahre einnehmen musste.”

7. Guys, gross…

English translation:

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I have a bowel movement every morning at 7!

Doctor: But that’s great!

Patient: But I wake up at 7:30!

Original German:

Herr Doktor, Herr Doktor, ich hab jeden Morgen um 7 Uhr Stuhlgang!” – “Ja, das ist doch sehr gut!” – “Aber ich steh erst um halb acht auf!”

8. Nothing like a little divorce humor

English translation:

— What do women and hand grenades have in common?

— When you pull the ring off, your house goes away.

Original German:

— Was haben Frauen und Handgranaten gemeinsam?

— Ziehst du den Ring ab, ist dein Haus weg!

9. Germans do love their dogs….

English translation:

My dog used to chase after people on a bike, until I took away his bike.

Original German:

Mein Hund jagte immer Leuten auf dem Fahrrad hinterher, bis ich ihm das Fahrrad wegnahm!

10. TBH we don’t really get this one

English translation:

—“Hey Philipp, how was your vacation?”

—“Horrible! In the hotel I had room number 100. And the 1 fell off the sign on the door!”

Original German:

—”Hey Philipp, wie war denn der Urlaub?”

—”Gräßlich! Im Hotel hatte ich Zimmernummer hundert. Und vom Türschild ist die Eins abgefallen!”

(Hint: In Germany public restrooms are marked with 00.)

Best Kanye West Jokes and Puns

Kanye West.jpg

Why did President George W Bush speak out against Kanye West’s actions at the VMAs?
Because he said that “Kanye West doesn’t care about white people!”
(Kanye West stated “George Bush doesn’t care about black people” after Hurricane Katrina)

President Obama called Kanye West a “jackass” for his actions at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards!
Vice President Biden later stated “Ahhh, don’t worry Kanye you get used to it after a while!”

Kim Kardashian gave birth to North West.
Does that mean her vagina is the Northwest Passage?

What song did Kanye’s feet make?
Toe Jams

Why are many right wing political groups applauding the actions of Kanye West?
He is the first black rapper to screw a young white girl then call her the next day to apologize!

Why is Kanye West’s haircut actually years of work by many doctors to piece together skull fragments like a jigsaw puzzle?
Because Kanye once interrupted Chuck Norris on the set of “Walker Texas Ranger”

What is the difference between Serena Williams and Kanye West?
At least Serena has the BALLS to back up her statements!

Why is Kanye West a Gay Fish?
Because he likes putting fishsticks in his mouth!

How Swift is Kanye?
About as West as Taylor.

I was walking along with my “worlds best friend” coffee mug when Kanye West walked up and slapped it outta my hands
Screaming “Beyonce is the worlds best friend!”

Yo, Jessica im really happy fo ya and imma let you finish, but bart simpson is the best simpson of all time, ALL TIME!