Russian President Putin called President Obama

Russian President Putin called President  Obama with an emergency:

“Our largest condom factory has exploded,” the Russian President cried.

“My people’s favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!”

“Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you,” replied the President.

“I do need your help” said Putin. “Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms as soon as possible to tide us over?”

“Why certainly! I’ll get right on it,”said Obama.

“Oh, and one more small favor, please?” said Putin. “Yes?”

“Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10″ long and 4″ in diameter?” said Putin.

“No problem,” replied the President.

Mr. Putin hung up and started laughing with his aides about how those stupid Americans will fall for anything.

Barack hung up and called the President of a condom company. “I need a favor, you’ve got to send 1,000,000 condoms right away over to Russia.”

“Consider it done,” said the president of the condom company.

“Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10″ long and 4″ wide.”

“Easily done. Anything else?”

“Yeah,” said the President, “print ‘Made in America, size small’ on each one!”

$10,000 Bar Challenge

A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it’s filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it.

He approaches the bartender and asks,

"What’s with the money in the jar?"

"Well…, you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Ferrari."

The man certainly isn’t going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?"

"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."

So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10which he stuffs into the jar.

"Okay," says the bartender, "here’s what you need to do:

First – You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you can’t make a face while doing it."
"Second – There’s a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands."
"Third – There’s a 90-year old lady upstairs who’s never had sex. You have to take care of that problem."

The man is stunned! "I know I paid my $10 – but I’m not an idiot! I won’t do it! You’d have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things!"

"Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is.."

As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, "Where’s the damn tequila?!"
He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can..
Tears stream down both cheeks — but he doesn’t make a face — and he drinks it in 58 seconds!

Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight — then nothing but silence!

Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar. His clothes are ripped to shreds and he’s bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body.

He drunkenly says, "Now…, where’s that old woman with the bad tooth?"

CEO Party

A CEO (and member of Forbes 400!) throwing a party takes his executives on a tour of his opulent mansion. In the back of the property, the CEO has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen. The huge pool, however, is filled with hungry alligators. The CEO says to his executives "I think an executive should be measured by courage. Courage is what made me CEO. So this is my challenge to each of you: if anyone has enough courage to dive into the pool, swim through those alligators, and make it to the other side, I will give that person anything they desire. My job, my money, my house, anything!"

Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer and proceeds to follow the CEO on the tour of the estate. Suddenly, they hear a loud splash. Everyone turns around and sees the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) in the pool, swimming for his life. He dodges the alligators left and right and makes it to the edge of the pool with seconds to spare. He pulls himself out just as a huge alligator snaps at his shoes. The flabbergasted CEO approaches the CFO and says, "You are amazing. I’ve never seen anything like it in my life. You are brave beyond measure and anything I own is yours. Tell me what I can do for you."

The CFO, panting for breath, looks up and says, "You can tell me who the hell pushed me in the pool!!"