Top 10 Sarcastic One Liners

Sarcasm may employ ambivalence, although sarcasm is not necessarily ironic

  1. I am 25% funny and 95% poor at math.
  2. Dear, handsome guys, how did you do that?
  3. When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body… men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
  4. I am actually good looking, if you don’t look at me.
  5. The only joke my parent ever made was me.
  6. Why get thinner when you can get more dinner?
  7. Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving.
  8. I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.
  9. I English talent vary good in english me.
  10. Don’t judge her by kilos, she might judge you by inches.

The Physicist Joke Heisenberg and Schrödinger

Heisenberg and Schrödinger get pulled over for speeding.

The cop asks Heisenberg “Do you know how fast you were going?”

Heisenberg replies, “No, but we know exactly where we are!”

The officer looks at him confused and says “you were going 108 miles per hour!”

Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, “Great! Now we’re lost!”

The officer looks over the car and asks Schrödinger if the two men have anything in the trunk.

“A cat,” Schrödinger replies.

The cop opens the trunk and yells “Hey! This cat is dead.”

Schrödinger angrily replies, “Well he is now.”

 

A Funny Hypocrite Situation

real-life hypocritical situation

In a small town in America, a person decided to open up his bar
business, which was right opposite to a church. The church & its
congregation started a campaign to block the bar from opening with
petitions and prayed daily against his business.

Work progressed. However, when it was almost complete and was about to
open a few days later, a strong lightning struck the bar and it was
burnt to the ground. The church folk were rather smug in their outlook
after that, till The bar owner sued the church authorities for
$2million on the grounds that the church through its congregation &
prayers was ultimately responsible For the demise of his bar shop,
either through direct or indirect actions or means.

In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied all
responsibility or any connection that their prayers were reasons to
the bar shop’s demise. In support of their claim they referred to the
Benson study at Harvard that inter-cessionary prayer had no impact !
As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the
paperwork and at the hearing and commented:
Continue reading “A Funny Hypocrite Situation”