Google’s Pizza – Everything Google Knows About You

– Hello! Gordon’s pizza?google-pizza-delivery-1361192741
– No sir it’s Google’s pizza.
– So it’s a wrong number?” Sorry
– No sir, Google bought it.
– OK. Take my order please
– Well sir, you want the usual?”
– The usual? You know me?
– According to our caller ID data sheet, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizzawith cheeses, sausage, thick crust.
– OK! This is it …
– May I suggest to you this time ricotta, arugula with dry tomato.?
– What? I hate vegetables.
– Your cholesterol is not good, sir.”
– How do you know?
– We crossed the number of your fixed line ☎with your name, through the subscribers guide.
We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
– Okay, but I do not want this pizza!,I already take medicine …
-“Excuse me, but you have not taken the medicine regularly, from our commercial database, 4 months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 cholesterol tablets at Drugsale Network.
– I bought more from another drugstore.
– It’s not showing on your credit card statement
– I paid in cash
– But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement
– I have have other source of cash
– This is not showing as per you last Tax form unless you bought them from undeclared income source.
-WHAT THE HELL?
“I’m sorry, sir, we use such information only with the intention of helping you.❤❤❤
– Enough! I’m sick of google, facebook, twitter, WhatsApp. I’m going to an Island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone line and no one to watch me or spy on me
“I understand sir but you need to renew your passport first as it has expired 5 weeks ago

The bitcoin bubble is a joke

 

Every great bubble has people who think it's a movement, others a business, and the rest a racket. In this, bitcoin is no different.
That’s the bitcoin parody that launched in 2013

  • Everyone is Now Part of the 1% Thanks to Bitcoin

  • Chuck Norris mined all bitcoins…twice.
  • -Who is Bitcoin’s least favorite rapper?
    -2chainz!
  • -What’s the difference between Bitcoin and NASA?
    -Bitcoin’s actually going to the moon.
  • -Why won’t the government embrace bitcoin?
    -They hate the idea of a ‘Proof Of Work’.
  • -A boy asked his bitcoin-investing father for $10.
    Father: $9.82? What do you need $10.08 for?
  • -How many miners does it take to change a light bulb?
    -A million – one to do it and the rest to verify he did it.
  • -Where does an Eskimo keep his Bitcoins?
    -In a cold wallet.
  • I’m not buying into the Bitcoin hype until Gucci Mane raps about it.

  • Mario was the original Bitcoin investor

  • Lloyds Bank bans Bitcoin purchases on its credit cards…
    Because they don’t want people ripping their customers off, that’s their job.

 

Top 10 Sarcastic One Liners

Sarcasm may employ ambivalence, although sarcasm is not necessarily ironic

  1. I am 25% funny and 95% poor at math.
  2. Dear, handsome guys, how did you do that?
  3. When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body… men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
  4. I am actually good looking, if you don’t look at me.
  5. The only joke my parent ever made was me.
  6. Why get thinner when you can get more dinner?
  7. Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving.
  8. I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.
  9. I English talent vary good in english me.
  10. Don’t judge her by kilos, she might judge you by inches.