Murphy Was an Optimist……..
No good deed goes unpunished.
Leakproof seals – will.
Self-starters – will not.
Interchangeable parts – won’t.
There is always one more bug.
If you’re feeling good, don’t worry, you’ll get over it.
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it.
A short cut is the longest distance between two points.
The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
No one’s life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is insession.
Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought.
A $300.00 picture tube will protect a 10-cent fuse by blowing first.
Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the exact center.
When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.
Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
Nature always sides with the hiddenflaw.
Celibacy is not hereditary.
Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bone. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
If everything seems to be going well, you obviously don’t know what theheck is going on.
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
You will always find something in the last place you look.
No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after you’ve bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
The other line always moves faster.
In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don’t need it.
If you fool around with a thing for very long, you will screw it up.
If if jams – force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
A pipe gives a wise man time to think
and a fool something to stick in his
Everyody should believe in something- I believe I’ll have another drink!
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
You will remember that you forgot to take out the trash when the garbage truck is two doors away.
There’s never time to do it right but there’s always time to do it over.
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
A bird in hand is safer than one overhead.
Everything East of the San Andreas Fault will eventually plunge into the Atlantic Ocean.
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.
Never sleep wth anyone crazier than yourself.
To know yourself is the ultimate form of aggression. (Freudian Psychology)
A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault.
Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.
Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it, and he’ll have to touch it to be sure.
All’s well that ends.
The first myth of management is that it exists.
New systems generate new problems.
We don’t know one millionth of one percent about anything.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day’s work.
the primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
Ater all is said and done, a heck of a lot more is said than done.
A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.
Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system hich depends on human reliability is unreliable.
Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it damn well
Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. And scratch where it itches.
The only perfect science is hind-sight.
If it’s not in the computer, it doesn’t exist.
When all else fails, read the instructions.
Everything that goes up must come down.
Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.
The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
All great discoveries are made by mistake.
Nothing ever gets built on schedule.
A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.
To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.
Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three Parts which are still underdevelopment.
If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.
If you can’t understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.
Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling.
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.