Q: Why is Yoda such a good gardener?
A: Because he has a green thumb.
Q: And why can’t you count on his to pick up the tab?
A: Because he’s always a little short.
Q: How do you get down from a bantha?
A: You don’t. You get down from a goose.
Q: What did the specter of Obi Wan Kenobi say to the bartender?
A: “Give me a beer and a mop.”
Jabba the Hut is fat.
How fat is he?
So fat, Obi Wan took a closer look and said, “that’s no moon.”
Tristan Ahtone/FronterasEpisode II: Bar Wars
The Star Wars text crawl walks into a bar.
“Get outta my pub!” the bartender yells. “We don’t serve your type here.”
Luke walks into the Mos Eisley cantina, cradling a slab of dirt in his arms.
“What’ll it be?” asks the barman.
“A pint for me, and one for the road.”
The Death Star’s shield generator walks into a bar. The bartender scowls and says, “Alright pal, I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
An Ewok strolls into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’ll have a whisky and …… soda.”
The bartender says, “Sure thing—but why the little pause?”
“Dunno,” says the Ewok. “I’ve had them all my life.”
A clone trooper walks into a pub and asks the barman, “Hey, have you seen my brother?”
“I dunno,” says the barman, “What does he look like?”
Two Jawas walk under a bar.
Luke and Obi-Wan walk into a Chinese restaurant. Ten minutes into the meal, Luke’s still having trouble with the chopsticks, dropping food everywhere. Obi-Wan finally snaps, “Use the forks, Luke.”
A Hutt slithers into the food court. The cashier says, “Hey! We have a pizza place named after you!”
The Hutt says, “You have a pizza place named Jabba Desilijic Tiure?”
Episode III: If Darth Vader’s Final Words Were Dad Jokes
“Luke… I’m reading a great book about Force levitation… I can’t put it down.”
“Luke…did you know I almost joined the Jedi Debate Team? …Somebody talked me out of it.”
“Luke…did you know R2D2 used to work for me? …He asked to be paid under the table.”
“Luke… I just watched a great documentary about how the Death Star was built… It was riveting, Luke. It was riveting…”