1.) Conversation with Lady Nancy Astor
Lady Astor : Winston, if I were your wife, I’d poison your tea.
Winston : Nancy, if I were your husband, I’d drink it.
2.) Conversation with Bessie Braddock
Bessie : Sir, you’re drunk.
Winston : And you, madam, are ugly. But the difference is, in the morning, I shall be sober.
*the burn returns*
3.) Conversation with a young man from Eton
Young man (after seeing Churchill leave the bathroom without washing his hands) : At Eton they taught us to wash our hands after using toilet.
Churchill : Well, at Harrow they taught us not to piss on our hands.
*the burn rises*
4.) Conversation with a lady (unknown)
Churchill : Madam, will you sleep with me for five million pounds?
Lady : My goodness, Mr. Churchill! Well, I suppose! We would have to discuss terms, of course! ,
Churchill : Would you sleep with me for five pounds?
Lady : Mr. Churchill, what kind of woman do you think I am!
Churchill : Madam, we’ve already established that, now we are haggling about price.