Best Instructional Manuals for Women

  • Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.
  • Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.
  • Don’t imagine you can change a man-unless he’s in diapers.
  • What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
  • So many men-so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.
  • If they put a man on the moon-they should be able to put them all there.
  • Tell him you’re not his type-you have a pulse.
  • Never let your man’s mind wander-it’s too little to be let out alone.
  • The only reason men are on this planet is that vibrators can’t dance or buy drinks.
  • Never sleep with a man who’s named his penis.
  • Go for younger men. You might as well-they never mature anyway.
  • A man who can dress himself without looking like Forrest Gump is unquestionably gay.
  • Men are all the same-they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
  • Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
  • Women don’t make fools of men-most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
  • The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.
  • Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
  • The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times men wouldn’t ask for directions.
  • If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him checkbooks.
  • A man’s idea of serious commitment is usually, ‘oh all right, I’ll stay the night.”
  • Women sleep with men, who if they were women, they wouldn’t even have bothered to have lunch with.
  • Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.
  • If he asks you if you’re faking it tell him no, you’re just practicing.
  • Sadly, all men are created equal.
  • When he asks you if he’s your first tell him, “You may be, you look familiar.”kate upton