Apple iPhone Jokes and Pick-Up Lines

Check out the funniest, snarkiest iPhone jokes. For every Apple fan in the world, there is an Apple hater.

iphone meme
Q: Why is the Apple still reporting record profits?
A: Because iPhone users are just as oblivious to the looming recession as they are to the people around them!

Q: What is written on Steve Jobs tombstone?
A: iCame, iSaw, iConquered, iLeft, iCameBack, iThinkDifferent, iMac, iPod, iTunes, iPhone, iPad, iCloud, iRIP

Q: How can you tell which one of your friends has the new iPhone 6 plus?
A: Don’t worry, they’ll let you know.

Q: Why did Steve Jobs live his last moments in regret?
A: They say your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. Unfortunately for Steve Jobs, his iPhone 4S didn’t have a Flash player installed!

Q: How many Apple Iphone early adopters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 3001. 1 to do the work and 3000 to go online and bitch about the lack of obscure features!

Q: What do the latest Iphone applications do?
A: Whiten teeth and perform lasik eye surgery!

Q: According to Apple what is the leading cause of iphones overheating?
A: Downloading images of Katy Perry!

Q: What do you call a Scottish iPhone?
A: An AyePhone.

Q: What type of a computer does a horse like to eat?
A: A Macintosh

What do you get if you cross an iPhone and a fridge?
Cool music.

Q: Why is it so sad that Steve Jobs died?
A: Everyone at Apple are crying their i’s out!

Q: What do you get if you cross a Kindle with iPhone 4S?
A: 4Skin.

Q: What happens if you download the Princess Diana screensaver application?
A: Your iphone will keep crashing!

What do you call an iPhone that isn’t kidding around?
Dead Siri-ous

Did you hear about the music app that is preloaded on every iPhone 6 plus?
GarageBend

Q: Why won’t blondes take their iPhones to the bathroom?
A: Because they don’t want to give away their IP address!

Q: According to a study by OKCupid, why do iPhone users still have more sex than other smartphone users?
A: Because no one has developed an app for Sex yet!

Q: Why is Apple offering a free case for all iPhone 4 buyers?
A: It doesn’t help with reception, but protects the iPhone when you throw it against the wall after dropping a call!

It was reported this week that Google would soon launch its own cellphone as a challenge to the iPhone. Also a challenge to the iPhone? Making phone calls.
(Saturday Night Live)

Steve Jobs‘ funeral will be held next week, after which he will be reburied every year in a slightly better coffin.

20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die.

Do not touch MY iPhone. It’s not an usPhone, it’s not a wePhone, it’s not an ourPhone, it’s an iPhone.

My iPhone screen is brighter than my future

Why are iPhone chargers not called Apple Juice?

Yo mama so fat she invented the iPad when she sat on the iPhone.

My daughter just used “sext” in words with friends and now I’ll be spending the rest of the night going through her iPhone and iPad!

My iPhone charger has brought me and my wall much closer together

If Apple made a car, would it have Windows?

Yo mama so stupid she went to the Apple Store to get a big mac

I farted in the Apple store and everyone got pissed at me. Not my fault they don’t have Windows.

I don’t understand why everybody wants the white iPhone, Everyone knows the black one runs faster.

Apple iPhone is 2nd best selling product of all time after Rubik’s Cube.

That moment when 10 year olds have a better iPhone than you

I’m afraid ill never meet a man I love as much as I love my iPhone……and vodka.

We live in a world where losing your iPhone is way more dramatic than losing your virginity.

My iPhone seems to be broke. I pressed the ‘home’ button but I’m still at school…

If your iPhone is black and you’re making Siri do tasks for you you’re pretty much saying slavery was OK.

My iPhone dies quicker than a black guy in a scary movie

You are 8 and you have a iPhone?
Who do you call?
Dora?

Did you know my iphone is also a remote control? Lets go somewhere remote and you can have control.

Baby, if you were an iPhone 6, I would tap you all day!

I AM happy to see you but thats just an iphone in my pocket.

Is your dad a thief? Because if he is, Ill keep my new iphone hidden when you introduce him to me next Saturday.

I think I need to call Heaven on my new iphone because they lost one of their angels.

How much does your iphone weigh? Enough to break the ice.

Excuse me, did you just call me on my iphone? Then I guess it wasnt my phone that was vibrating in my pocket.

Im no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock. Plus I have an iphone!

If I could rearrange the alphabet, Id put u and iphone together.

Hey baby. iphone you tomorrow?

Hi. My friend over there bet you wouldnt let me google you on our first date. So what do you say? Ill buy you a drink. You can even google me back. My iphone battery is big and strong and fully charged up, so we could google all night.

iPhone One Liners

We live in a world where losing your iPhone is more dramatic than losing your virginity.

You traded in your iPhone 4s for an extra half inch? Hope your girlfriend doesn’t do the same.

My boyfriend is like an iPhone 5s. I don’t have an iPhone 5s.

Dear Internet advertisements, no I don’t want to shoot the birds to win an iPad or iPhone. Sincerely, everyone.

I just turned my brightness all the way up on the iPhone & got a nice little tan.

Phones, Tablets, Clouds, TVs, if Apple made a car, would it have windows?

Eight year olds have an iPhone, an iPod, an iPad and a MacBook. When I was 8, I felt cool with my new markers.

I don’t know why everyone wants a white iPhone, everyone knows the black ones run faster.

Always be aware that there are those who are less fortunate. I mean, there are probably kids in Africa who still use an iPhone 4.

The next iPhone better have the middle finger emoji so I can start using it instead of “K”

I think my iPhone is broken….I pushed the home button and I’m still at school.

I want an iPhone with BBM and a Nokia Battery.

Whenever I delete an app on my iPhone, the shaking icons make me feel like they’re panicking over who’s next to go.